[Riley] Looking for yourself out there

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Riley felt the warm hair cover her skin it was pretty breezy outside and the warm house comforted her. All this baby talk was making her nervous, she had noticed that she was a week late and didn't want to take any chances once they got settled in she'd have to do it, the scariest thing a teen could do take a pregnancy test. She walked down the two little steps into the living room and grabbed the little remote on the table and clicked the small black button and the fireplace instantly light up. Glowing beautifly againsts Rileys even complexion, this house brought back alot of memories. The good and the bad, she got to spend time with her cousins but her parents would just ship her out here as a kid so they could get on with their socail events. Lots of days when Viv and Seb weren't there she'd just sit in her bedroom staring out the window at the calm, crisp lake. Her parents were rarely there with her it was usually just her and Deroda one of Riley's best companions as a little girl.

She glanced around the living room smiling noticing everything was in its place exaclty how she left it last. Glancing back at Dustin she flashed him a warming smile, he had been silent since the walked in the house. Maybe he didn't like it, maybe he thought she was a perfectionist well she kind of was but she had been getting better and being laid back and relaxed. Especially with Dustin, he had a way of calming her even though he probably didn't know he was doing it. He soothed her if she started to get anxious or started to tighten up all she needed to do was look at him and he instantly calmed her. Thats what she loved about him he may be quiet sometimes but he makes it worth the while when he speaks, he uses a tone that make Riley melt. The look of him, the sound of him it fascinated her. He was truly a gift to her, and she loved him more than words could explain. He was the only person who took the time to know she was more that just a rich air headed bit.ch. Dustin had gained her trust and she had gained his. The only was she was lying to him.

The thought of taking the test was making her more nervous but she couldn't let Dustin know. She put on a nice smile and walked over to him I'm going to go put on something more comfortable. she said. And then gave him a small kiss on his cheek, then she walked down the hall to her bathroom. She looke dunder the bathroom cupboard and found what she was looking for. She had kept an extra package just for emergencies, she took one out of the box and followed the instructions. There it was sitting on the counter, something that would determine the rest of her life in five minutes. She sat on the edge of the bath tub waiting, this was the longest five minutes of her life. She never had to wait for anything in line-ups she was moved to the front, at resteraunts she was served first. Finally it was time, she didnt want to look at it. Riley was having mixed emotions she was only 18 this was going to completely change her life, but then again she'd love nothing more than to carry Dustin's child.

Well here goes nothing. She looked at the test her eyes went wide the bright pink plus sign was staring right back at her. Her heart jumped and her stomach dropped, she was excited, nervous and upset all at the same time. Then the excitment took over and she ran down the hall way and jumped into Dustins arms and planted a big kiss on his lips. He was probably confused, She pulled away and smiled I forgot to say I love you.... Riley hugged him tight.

[Dustin Kurucz]

When Riley left to go change, Dustin didn't even know what to do with himself. He normally just wandered around town in his free time... which was all the time. He didn't even know what there was to do in a house. He'd lived in a ghetto apartment for a few years before Shayla was killed, but aside from that he had lived most of his life outdoors... and not by choice. No, living outdoors in the winter here in West Virginia was hell... it was freezing, literally, and more than once he probably came close to pneumonia and/or freezing to death, but he didn't have a choice. Of course, on the plus side, spending all those winters outdoors he was very resistant to sickness. Aside from that though... there was no plus side.

He simply stood there for a few minutes when Riley was gone, completely unsure of himself. He looked almost like a fish out of water or something of the sort with how uncomfortable he was in these surroundings. It wasn't that he didn't like it, he just didn't know how to react to any of this. So much had changed lately that he was beginning to feel almost a bit of culture shock. The way he lived was so different from the way Riley lived, he felt like he was in a completely different country, like he didn't fit in, and possibly never really would. He would change anything and everything for Riley... but somehow he just didn't think it was possible for him to change into the sort of person who would fit in with the high society that Riley was a part of, and that worried him. What if one day she realized that he didn't belong in her world... would she leave him?

He hardly had time to finish that thought before she suddenly came running down the hall and threw her arms around him, kissing him with an enthusiasm and excitement that he hadn't ever felt before in her... or anyone else for that matter. He was confused about the sudden outburst, and the fact that she had been gone for several minutes to change... but was still wearing the same thing. All the same though, when she kissed him, he relaxed into her, and suddenly didn't feel quite so out of place like he had before. Somehow her kissing him always made everything seem better... it reminded him of how much she loved him, and how much he loved her, and when he was reminded of that, nothing else seemed to matter at all. After all, what was there in this world that was better than being in love with someone who loves you in return?

He smiled down at her when she pulled away and said she forgot to tell him she loved him. He was about to say something in response when she hugged him again... tight enough to practically strangle him, which prevented him from saying anything momentarily. I love you too. he said slightly strained due to her restriction on his ribs and thus his lungs, before reaching down and loosening her hold on him slightly. Did you forget that you were going to change too, or does it really take you that long to even get started? He added, seeming to have taken some from her sudden burst of energy and feeling in a much lighter mood now.

Dustin really loved Riley more than anything. He didn't know what he would do without her... probably overdose and end up dead in a back alley somewhere. She was the only reason he was even still alive, and she was the only reason he was trying to quit everything he was so addicted to... but soon enough there would be one more reason... the tiny child that they had made, and in nine months' time would come into the world. He was determined that long before then he would get over his addictions. He knew it would be harder than anything he'd ever done, but he wasn't going to let drugs and alcohol determine the way his life would go. Riley was all he needed, and every time those cravings and withdrawals came up, he was just going to remind himself of that time and time again. She would be his drug and anti-drug all at the same time, and she would single handedly save his life every day.

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[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Dustin Kurucz undoubtedly the most troubled person Riley had ever met in her life. But it didn't matter what he did, Riley loved him regardless. It was the first time she had ever loved someone in her life she wasn't close with her parents and rarely saw her family and all her past boyfriends were wither for social status or meaningless. But Dustin was different he cared about her, listened to her problems and put her first. He treated her with repsect, love and was a complete sweetheart. She knew he had trust issues but she was working on him and she could tell he was starting to trust her.

She hugged him tightly, his muscles on his back pressing up against her hands. Riley sighed, out of all the guys in the world she had found the most handsome and intellegant who loved her is a small town in Virginia. It was wierd how love worked but Riley didn't care as long as she had Dustin life was all good. He was perfect for her, Riley needed someone to bring her back down to earth. Sometimes she would get so caught up in her social life that reality would fade away into the distance. But with Dustin she could care less about social statuses and money, all she cared about was him.

'Did you forget that you were going to change too, or does it really take you that long to even get started?' Riley smiled and the muscles in his back relaxed No I didn't forget. It just takes a long time for me to make myself pretty for you. She smiled looking up at him. Riley linked her hands behind his back and leaned backwards a little bit looking up at his beautiful face. Your amazing Riley was looking straight into his eyes. It was like a pathway to his soul and right now he seemed a little more comfortable now than when he first walked in. She could tell he felt a little out of place but she was going to do everything in her poxer to convince him that he belongs here, with her.

Okay I'm actually going to go change now. she smiled she walked an arms length away and held his hand. Don't miss me too much She winked playfully then let go and walked down the hall to her bedroom closet to find something else to wear. She pulled out a pair of leggings, a white tank top, and sweater and some boots. Then she put her hair in a cute messy bun, she was looking adorable as always. And she always wanted to look good, now that she was going to be a mother she had to make sure than she didn't turn into a chubby mommy. Riley wanted to be a hot little mama. After she looked in the mirror and smiled she walked back down the hall to Dustin.

She took his hand and went and sat down on the couch, the fire had warmed the room and the flames made Rileys face glow lightly. Riley let out a sigh and looked out the window it looked cold outside and it was all overcast. The sun was almost non existant right now. Then she turned to Dustin and looked at him trying to figure out how he was feeling. Dustin was a little difficult to read, it must have been all those years of him hiding his emotions from people. But now he can relax and feel comfortable with her. She wasn't going to judge him she trusted and loved him. As they sat there she rested her head on his shoulder and held his hand slowly stroking her thumb across the back of his hand. Riley was completely at ease.

(( Wearing this))

[Dustin Kurucz]

All of his life, Dustin had never known what it was like for someone to choose to forget all of the things he had done and just love him for him. I mean really, here he was, a drug addict, an alcoholic, a murderer... but Riley had chosen to love him anyway. He didn't understand it, and as much as his mind told him to question it, he listened to his heart for once and decided that some things just didn't need explaining. He knew for one thing he couldn't explain why he loved Riley. She'd started out as just another victim of his torturous mind games... but he somehow let himself get so caught up in it that he actually legitimately fell for her. Dustin hadn't ever loved anybody... hell he hadn't ever even had a girlfriend or a crush before Riley came around, so he was a complete stranger as to how the heart worked.

He was about to respond and say that she always looked pretty no matter what, but before he could, she had whisked away again to "actually change." Although he was slowly getting more comfortable with this high end environment, he still didn't know what to do with himself. He went from homeless to living with one of the richest people in the state practically over night, and he was definitely in culture shock. So he just stayed where he was, somewhat awkwardly, waiting for her return. He sort of almost felt like if he ventured further into the house the whole thing would just fall to pieces around him because he was corrupting the perfection of it all. Yes, he knew it was a silly thought, but how could anyone blame him? Street trash wasn't supposed to ever set foot in a place like this.

When Riley returned and took his hand, leading him over to the couch, he followed willingly. Something about the close proximity to Riley just made him feel more at home... as if he'd finally found his place in this cruel world... and that place was right beside Riley, no matter where she went. He never would have pictured himself as being the sort of guy who thought that way. After Shayla died, he had become so withdrawn that he honestly wouldn't have been able to imagine himself loving anyone even if he wanted to... so he convinced himself he didn't want to, and it worked... until Riley came along and stole his heart. After so many years of protecting himself from any and all emotion, it was amazing how quickly Riley tore down those walls and got herself in.

He could have stayed there with her forever and been perfectly happy. Riley... he said softly after some time had passed in silence, I'm sorry I left before... I was afraid of needing you and I thought if I left I wouldn't anymore. He paused for a moment, not entirely sure where he was going with this. Lately he'd had a lot on his chest, and he felt like he needed to tell her everything. Every thought that entered his head, he wanted her to know. He knew he was hard to read, he would always be that way whether he wanted to or not... so the only way she would be able to know was if he told her. He knew she probably already knew he was sorry for it... but he needed to say it. Somehow telling someone was much more relieving than just assuming they knew. I was wrong. he added more quietly.

Dustin was all too aware that after everything he had been through he could never be "normal" like the rest of the world. He would never be able to get over his trust issues completely, and he would always only have a small circle of friends that it would be very hard to get into. He knew he would never be comfortable in large crowds and that he would always feel out of place among the high society people... but he would bury the feelings of discomfort and distrust for Riley's sake and force himself to pretend like he was okay with every situation she would bring him into. He loved her and he was going to everything he could to fit in to Riley's world. If being around stuck up millionaires was the price he had to pay for loving Riley, it was a small price and an easy one to cope with.

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[`Riley S. Hartmann]

If anyone had told Riley this is what she'd be doing a year ago she probably wouldn't believe them. A year ago she was always in the clubs and rolling with a bunch of million heiress'. Riley definitely wouldn't have seen herself sitting on the couch in her cabin with an amazing guy who loved her. The old Riley would have already had her clothes off by now and they definitely wouldn't be talking. But Riley liked this alot better Dustin made her feel like she didn't have to use just her body to make a guy want her. And usually Riley didn't care about feelings her relationships were mostly physical but with Dustin as much as she like the physical aspect of there relationship she could still have meaningful conversations with him and not feel like a complete idiot.

Whenever Dustin touched her she felt a shiver up her spine, he excited her. Everything about him intrigued her, his looks, his smile, his voice, his heart. Riley hadn't ever dated or been friends with someone like Dustin, he was so... intelligent. Usually Riley hung out with the 'jock' and 'cheerleader' type, basically rich airheads. Dustin just had a way to make her feel special and wanted something Riley hadn't really felt before. He made her want to wake up early just so she could see his face, she could be having the worst day ever and all he had to do was smile and it would all melt away. She was undeniably, indescribably in love with him and she was loving every minute of it. They just sat there in silence something Riley was getting used to, Dustin usually wasn't the one to strike up conversation.

Then he spoke ' Riley...I'm sorry I left before... I was afraid of needing you and I thought if I left I wouldn't anymore' a warm rush went from the top of her head to the bottom of her toes, he needed her and admitted it. And he was apologizing, something no other guy had ever done to Riley. She lets those words sink into her heart it felt good to feel wanted and needed. They sat there in silence again for another few minutes and then he said it ' I was wrong' That was something you didn't hear very often, a man admitting he was wrong about something. This was making Riley feel horrible she should tell him that she was lying about being pregnant before... but now she's found out she is pregnant. It was going to kill him, they were finally in a good place and now she was going to go and ruin it by telling him she had lied.

There wasn't really a good time to tell him this but she didn't want to ruin they're weekend. Dustin, she sat up and looked at him holding his hand I have something to tell you.... and your going to hate me... but, Riley sighed as she could feel the tears welling up in her eyes I love you, so, so much and we're in such a good place right now but I have to tell you this. It's been killing me... but I lied to you, and I know your going to be mad but I'd rather have you hate me and know then continue on not knowing... when I told you I was pregnant before... She looked at his facial expression change, and it felt like someone was cutting open her heart. I lied, because I didn't want to lose you... A single tear rolled down her cheek But now I just found out that I really am pregnant and I'm so, so sorry baby. I never wanted to hurt you..

[Dustin Kurucz]

Admitting he was wrong wasn't a hard thing for Dustin to do. All his life he'd been told by everyone that everything he did was wrong. No matter what he did his dad always thought he was wrong and he was beaten for it regularly. He was scrutinized for trying to kill himself just to end the pain he was being subjected to. He was arrested and locked away for being shot by some drunk cop. He was disowned for being wrongly arrested. He had his sister taken from him because it was wrong of him to try to raise her on his own when he was only 18 and struggling to get by every day. He was told he was wrong when he tried to tell them that Shayla was being hurt by the man who called himself her dad. He was told he was wrong everywhere he looked, everywhere he went, and in everything that he did. No, Dustin had no problem with saying he was wrong.

When Riley started to talk, Dustin was instantly attentive to her. He much preferred to listen than to talk. He was always afraid that what he said would be taken wrong, or perhaps that he would say the wrong thing, of even that what he said might offend someone... and for that reason, he said very little, and only spoke when he had to, or if something was seriously weighing on his chest and he just couldn't go without telling Riley anymore. It took a few moments for what she was saying to all make sense in his head. She lied to him about something... when she said she was pregnant before... That momentary pause after that last phrase made his heart sink like a brick in the ocean. She lied about being pregnant... so he wasn't going to be a dad after all? As that reality sank in he didn't move, he didn't react... he just let those words dig deep into his mind, unearthing all of those trust issues that had driven him away from anyone and everyone who might have cared.

When she started talking again, every muscle in his body started to tense, as if he was willing himself to wake up from this nightmare. Then she continued saying she had simply been afraid of losing him, and that now she had found out that she really was pregnant. He didn't know what to do or how to react... but the voices were piping up again. One was telling him that if she lied once she'd lie again if it would keep him around, but the other one was telling him that if she was willing to tell him she lied then she must not be lying this time. He could feel his heart rate increase as the fight with himself started up again, the need for drugs started boiling once more... then he looked down at her and saw the tears.

Dustyyyy

[/s] the little girl wailed, tears streaming from her eyes as she clung desperately to his leg Please don't leave. Don't leave me here with them.[/s] Ever since she'd told him her new dad was hurting her leaving got harder every time. Each time he saw her she pleaded with him to not leave her, she cried and begged, promising she would do anything if he would just take her with him or stay with her so they wouldn't hurt her anymore... and every time it broke his heart to have to pry her off of him and tell her he had to go and she had to stay. He would have willingly taken her with him if it wouldn't have resulted in him going to jail for kidnapping and him never seeing her again. He couldn't risk that. He needed to see her, even if it was only for two hours every other week. Shay I have to go or they won't let me come back, you know that. Her wailing instantly turned into whimpering and sniffling as she nodded silently and let go of him, taking two steps back and looking up at him with those horribly sad blue eyes. A moment of silence drew out before she said quietly in almost a whisper, I love you Dusty.[/s][/i]

Those tears and those words haunted him. If anyone ever called him Dusty again, he was apt to kill them. No one called him Dusty... no one. Sitting there seeing that tiny drop of water roll down Riley's cheek... that was too much for him to handle. He couldn't leave her again, and the desperation and tears were far too much like the last time he had see Shayla for him to be mad at her. So instead of reacting like she probably expected him to, he pulled his hand out of hers, and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly and close to him. I'm not mad Riley. he said quietly, though he was ever so slightly hurt, I love you. Dustin was very much in love with her, and he was certain nothing could ever change that, not now, not ever. Being there with her empowered him, it saved his life... and after everything he had done to her, that was more than he deserved.[/center][/size]

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Riley was terrified that he would leave her, she would probably get the hell out of Virginia move back to L.A and get as far away from Dustin as she could. She wouldn't be able to handle seeing him if he wasn't hers. He made her heart jump when she saw him, he made her feel like a little kid with her first crush. Maybe the rest of the world didn't see what she saw in him and that was because he hadn't opened up to anyone but Riley, it made her feel special. She would hold all his secrets close to her heart and wouldn't tell a soul. Riley loved Dustin to much to let anything happen to him,

She was bracing herself for it, the good bye that would kill her. Dustin was so different from any other guy she had ever met. He was her rock, she could turn to him when she needed help and after a horrible day she could talk to him and all the stress would melt away. She couldn't bare to lose him, not now, not ever. Riley wanted him to be with her for forever, she hadn't loved somebody like she loves Dustin. If she left him she would die.

The sun at that point had just started its journey to the other side of the world and the sky was a mess of brilliant pinks, oranges and yellows. The trees were gently swaying in the light breeze, all the birds had already settled into their nests and the nocturnal animals were just waiting for night fall. The window beside Riley was cracked open a little and the crisp winter air was rushing in filling the room with fresh air.

When Dustin spoke she couldn't believe it, he wasn't mad after what she had put them through. She was relieved but she still felt like a huge b.itch. And he probably thought she was an idiot for lying about something like that, which to be perfectly honest she was. Looking back on it now she couldn't believe she would say something like that. But the only reason she ever even considered the idea was because she couldn't lose Dustin. Dustin wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him and Riley leaned into him the tears leaving a damp mark on the front of his shirt. She rested her head on his chest and put her arm across his torso hugging him tightly. I love you too.

[Dustin Kurucz]

Dustin wasn't sure what to do or say now, and whenever he ran into these sorts of situations, he typically just fell silent and waited for someone else to say something... but this time he felt like he needed to say something... he just wans't sure what it should be. So, for the time being he just sat beside her, and gently pressed his face into her hair, and reveling in the softness of it and the familiar scent. He loved everything about Riley and he never wanted to leave her. Funny how in just a few weeks time he had gone from being cold and heartless to so in love with Riley that he couldn't think about anything else. He would stay here forever if he had to and would always be content with it. He didn't care that she had lied... even if she wasn't pregnant after all, he couldn't live without her, and he needed her.

After some time had passed, he pulled away slightly and looked down at her. I wouldn't leave you again Riley... I couldn't even if I wanted to. He knew she hadn't said anything about him leaving her again when she told him the truth, but he had a feeling that the tears were because she was afraid he would... that and if he hadn't left Shayla, she never would have been killed, and if he hadn't left Riley he never would have gotten himself in so deep with the drugs... leaving, no matter how much he thought would make things better, just never turned out for him well. Riley was his life now, and he couldn't very well just leave the only thing that was keeping him alive.

I trust you, and nothing can ever change that. He knew full well he had grounds to never believe her again, but he wasn't like that. His trust was hard to earn, but once you had it, there was no getting rid of it. He was a bit strange in that way, but he couldn't change that no matter how hard he tried. You would think, that after how many times he'd been betrayed by the people he loved and were supposed to love him, that it would be hard to earn his trust and easy to lose it... but that wasn't the case at all. He knew that he was bound to get himself hurt time and time again because of it, but he just couldn't help it. He wanted to not be so trusting once someone had earned his trust, but it just happened. Here he was, completely lost in her, and he knew he could never be found again. This was how he was bound to live the rest of his life, and he was strangely okay with that.

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