[Riley] Looking for yourself out there

[Dustin Kurucz]

Dustin could tell that Riley was trying to lighten the mood, but right now it was going to be quite difficult to lighten his mood. In telling Riley everything he had poured alcohol over still open wounds that he'd been hiding for a long time. His past hurt... from his parents betraying his love, to losing Shayla... there was only a very short time period that he could look at and actually smile about... and even then it was a pained smile, one that was laden with grief and loss. Even though it was going on two years since she died, he still missed her. She hadn't been his, but he had loved her like any older brother should. It frustrated him to no end that if the American government hadn't intervened and taken her from him because he was only 17 she would still be alive. If he had only waited one more year before coming up to the States they would have had no grounds to base taking her on... but it was too late now.

He still didn't regret killing that man. He didn't feel bad about pulling the trigger. He didn't have any remorse over widowing that woman. She was as much to blame for Shayla's death as the man who had killed her. She could have said something, she could have stopped him... but no, she just stood aside and let it happen. She deserved to feel the pain that he was feeling... she deserved to know what it was like to lose the only person in your life who you loved. He deserved to die... he had killed a three year old girl. He was a baby killer... if he had gone to prison for it, not even the inmates in the prison would have accepted him. Dustin knew that. Anyone who hurt children was no more welcome in prison than loose in society. He'd seen it several times... and usually the guards let it go a bit before stopping the other inmates from attacking them. No one accepted baby killers... not even the scum of the earth.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, even as Riley hugged him, there was a growing nagging. He was trying to resist the cravings for Riley's sake... he was trying hard... but it wasn't working. He had been a pot smoker since he went to prison when he was 15... nearly five years ago. After Shayla died he started getting into harder drugs and drinking. After he left Riley, he got into even worse drugs. He was definitely an addict by now, and he felt horrible for it, but he couldn't help it anymore. It was going to be hard... possibly too hard... for him to quit now, even though he desperately wanted to. The withdrawals would probably just about kill him. He needed help and he knew it. There was nothing he could do on his own, but he he didn't really want to ask for the help he needed. For whatever reason, Dustin felt like asking for help would make him appear less in Riley's eyes.

He wanted to be her hero, he wanted to be strong and see her through this... but with his dependence on drugs and alcohol, he was afraid he couldn't do that. He couldn't be a god dad if he was high or drunk all the time. He wasn't going to make his child go through what he did with his parents. He was being given a second chance, and he wasn't going to screw it over. To hell with this pride, he was giving in. Riley I... He started, unsure of how to word this, I want you to help me. It took a lot of trust for Dustin to admit that to her. He was trying for this harder than he had ever tried for anything. He didn't know how Riley could help him with his addictions, but he had a feeling that her loving him was going to be more than enough. He just needed her support to get him through and keep him from giving in to the craving for all the drugs he was on. She was the only one who could save him now.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Riley could tell there probably wasnt going to be much lightening of the mood. But that was completely understandable, he had just opened up an old wound. And she could tell talking about it almost killed him. Riley felt really special for him to tell just her about what he had gone through. She could tell it was going to be a bumpy road ahead, they would have to be understanding of eachother as they worked things out. Because they were so different, they were sure to face some problems.

They had been talking for a while, the sun was completely visible now. It had slowly worked its way up over the mountains. The rays of the sun slightly warmed Rileys skin. The birds started to come out of their nests and the dew had finished melting off the trees and grass. Everything was green and you could tell it was morning everything seemed awake now. You could faintly hear the slow swish of cars as they passed by Rileys big house.

Riley just sat there in silence and looked up at Dustin. She put one hand on the side of his face and smiled at him. She could tell he was deep in thought then he spoke. ' Riley I..' Yeah, she moved her hand from his face to holding his hand. He said he needed help. Yeah, sure anything she said wondering what he was referring to. Of course she'd do anything for him, no matter what. It didnt matter what he needed she'd do whatever it takes to help him. She loved him.

[Dustin Kurucz]

It was true, Dustin was having a hard time of it, but at the same time he felt so relieved to get that off his chest. It felt like a huge pressure that had been building up in him had just been released and he could breathe freely. He had been pretending to be someone he wasn't for so long he had begun to lose sight of who he really was. He had been hurt by from every angle, and he really didn't like it at all, but he didn't know how to heal the hurt because he couldn't heal the hurt on his own power. He needed someone to do it for him... and now that he had Riley, he was convinced that Riley was going to be the one to do that for him. She had saved him once already, he was sure that she could continue to do so.

I can't get over these addictions on my own. He said looking directly into her eyes. I need your help. Of course, he sort of wanted her to help him "learn" to love again. He did love Riley without any sort of learning, but he wanted to be able to do things right for her. He wanted to take care of her, he wanted the responsibility that any dad or boyfriend would have... and he didn't know how to do that. He knew Riley had plenty of money, the house they were in was proof enough of that, but someday she was going to have to be on her own, free of her parents, and when that day came he wanted to provide for her... which would require him somehow finding some sort of job, which wasn't likely considering his poor reputation.

Right now, he was honestly more content than he had been probably his whole life. He had been happy with Shayla, but the world and his past still tormented him. Now that Riley knew, it didn't seem quite so nagging as it was before. Just her presence there with him as a comfort to him, and he loved her more than he'd ever loved anyone before. If she asked him to, he would just quit cold turkey and deal with the withdrawals that could potentially kill him. He would do anything for her, no matter what it was. All she had to do was ask and he would do it for her. Not too long ago he wouldn't have done anything for anybody no matter how much they asked... strange things love did to a guy.

He reached down and took her hand in his, not breaking eye contact with her. Normally eye contact was a dominance thing, but not when he was with Riley. With her it was because he trusted her, he was letting her in, holding nothing back. She knew it all, there was nothing left to tell of him. Whatever she wanted to know, he would tell her. He was all hers now nothing was too much for him to do for her. Dustin just wanted Riley to be happy, and if there ever came a day where killing himself was the only thing that would make her happy he would do it. Because he loved her... he would do it.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Riley had never had somebody who depended on her, she never needed to help anyone. She was always the one who depended on others and had everybody help her, with school work, shopping, her hair etc. Riley was always the stupid one, nobody ever wanted her help except for other girls on fashion, boys,make-up or hair. But nothing that involved her brains. Nobody really knows that Riley can be smart, it was just easier to act dumb. She could get out of school work and long boring lectures in science class. All her life Riley took the easy road and it was working for her. Until she met the hugest pothole of her life, Dustin Kurucz. There was so easy road out with feelings she couldnt just sit there and have everything work out for her like she ususally did. She had to deal with things to make this work. Riley had to face problems, and overcome them the hard way. This was a whole new experience for Riley and she was still learning.

As he started to speak Riley took his hands in hers looking up into his deep loving eyes. He was her world now they were now going to start their lives together. And Dustin was clearing the air, he had never done this before. So Riley felt really special to know she was his first real love, but he was also hers. As he started to speak Riley listened silently, and took in each word he said. As he spoke Riley thought to herself of course she'd help him. Now she'd help him through anything, she loved him. When he said 'I need your help'. Rileys stomach flip-flopped and her heart pounded so loud she could hear it in her ears. It felt like she was on a rollercoaster, it gave her a feeling of butterflies in her stomach. It felt good to feel needed. She let go of his hands and smiled.

For a moment they just stood there looking at eachother. And then Riley said Of course I'll help you, I love you Riley knew it was hard for Dustin to trust anybody this much let alone ask for their help. She felt like she had just took a sledge hammer to the big crumbly brick wall that surrounded Dustin's suffering, injured heart, and knocked it down. She breathed slowly thinking back to their little mind games and guess who won. Riley won him over, she smiled inwardly.

Dustin took her hand in his, still looking into eachothers eyes. His eyes were so intense they were like a book that contained many answers about him, before you could tell he was desperately hurting. But now, his eyes looked happy, relieved and in love. She could tell he was happy to finally let somebody all the way in. Tell sombody about who he was, about his sister, and what he had done. Riley contained almost every secret about his life, but she'd never tell anybody and break the bond between them. This was it Riley had won, he was hers!

[Dustin Kurucz]

If at all possible, Dustin would have loved to just stay there in that moment forever. He hadn't ever felt this way in his life. This was the first time in his life that he had ever really been in love with someone. He had loved Shayla, but that was a different king of love. He had been so afraid of Riley's reaction to him telling her about everything that had happened in his life... everything that he had done. If she had told him she never wanted to see him again he would have been crushed. But he had told her... and she still accepted him despite all of his flaws. She knew he had killed that man, she knew he was an alcoholic and a drug addict... she knew everything... or almost anything anyway.

He hadn't told her that he was the one who was always thwarting drug dealers and giving the money to people who actually needed it. No one knew that it was him, and he wanted to keep it that way. If he told Riley that he did that, she would only worry about him and the fact that he was making enemies of every drug dealer who ever passed through Pinewood. That was the last thing she needed. It was going to be hard enough getting him over his drug addictions, she didn't need the added stress of knowing that a lot of people wanted to kill him and would do so if they found out who he was and could get their hands on him. It just wouldn't be fair to her... or the baby he thought they would be having together.

It was true. For the first time in his life, Dustin had lost at his own game. He had wanted Riley to be obsessed with him. To think she saw him, but when she turned to look there was no one there. He wanted every word he said to be running through her head driving her crazy. He liked his little mind games... he was good at them, and he almost never got hurt... until now. After a while he realized that his game with Riley wasn't turning out the way he wanted it to. Yes, for a while he had been winning, but then he started falling for her, and it just wasn't the same, so he gave up... and now she had him wrapped around her finger. Riley owned his heart now, and he would never get it back.

Every time Riley said she loved him he fell even more in love with her. He couldn't think of anything to say in response. "Thank you" hardly seemed appropriate. So instead of trying to say something and ruining the moment, he leaned down and kissed her passionately but gently, letting his lips linger on hers for a moment as he held her close to him. If this was how easy love was... then he was a fool for fearing it. Riley was saving his life... every moment she was with him she was saving him whether she knew it or not. Normally by now he would have been high off of God knows what... but he was so distracted by her, he didn't even notice the cravings in the back of his mind. Riley had done it. She had tamed his impossibly wild and reckless heart... at least for now.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Riley was so relieved that he didn't have anything else kept from her. Dustin had been extremely honest with her, but she wasn't being honest to him. But now just didnt seem the time what would she say 'Oh by the way I totally lied about being pregnant' yeah that would go over well. She didn't want to ruin the moment especially when he had just finished telling her his life story. Riley needed time to think about how to come across the topic, and tell him but there wasn't really an easy way to do that. She'd save it for another time, dreading it.

Standing out on her balcony, the sun was high in the sky, all the dew had melted off the plants and trees. And she stood there soaking up his love, love that she had craved all her life for, pure genuine love. Dustin was the best thing in her life right now. He was her boyfriend, finally. Just to think Riley Hartmann spoiled city brat found love in a horse town in Virginia. That's a chuckle. But Dustin was everything she ever wanted, hot, caring, mysterious, mischevious. He was definately a keeper in her books.

Dustin slowly kissed her lips lingering, she put her hand on his cheek stroking his face with her thumb lightly, he pulled her closer. Their bodies pressed against each other, she could feel his heart beating. Not pulling away she closed her eyes getting lost in the moment. Slipping her other hand under his shirt and placing it on his muscular back. After a moment she pulled away and put her forehead to his she smiled and said Dustin, She said I love you so much... She whispered to him.

Then she gave him a small kiss and pulled away. She took his hand and smiled then walked back into her room. Riley lead him over towards the bed and sat him down, she kissed him lightly on his head. Turning around she saw the pieces of her mirror on the ground and bit her lip. Then she walked into her closet and picked out something cute to wear. She undressed in her bedroom then sat down beside Dustin So babe, what do you want to do today?

[Dustin Kurucz]

Even as a child, Dustin had never really known love. Because of his parents' abuse, it wasn't until he was finally let out of prison at 17 that he found some form of love, and that had lasted only a year before that was taken away from him. Love was definitely something that Dustin was fearful of, because he didn't understand it, and any time he had found it, the only result had been more pain. He had always just intended to make Riley another victim of his game. Making himself into her obsession only to disappear a month or so later, never to return, but that plan had obviously failed, seeing as he was here now and Riley had him wrapped around her finger and completely bent to her will.

When her hand slipped under his shirt and touched against his bare skin a shiver ran up his spine, causing him to shudder slightly. Before Riley, Dustin didn't know how much a single touch could do... but Riley changed that. She took his breath away with every touch, she made his heart skip a beat every time he saw her, she made all of his problems seem to melt away with every word she said, and his every thought was of her, no matter what he did. If Dustin had ever wanted anything in his life, now he wanted to spend his life with Riley at least a hundred times more than that. She made everything better, so it was only natural that he wanted to be with her forever.

When she pulled away and stated that she loved him, he wanted to respond, but he seemed to have been rendered incapable of speaking. Words just wouldn't come to him. He his lips parted as if to speak, but no words formed... he just couldn't say anything. Luckily for him, Riley didn't give him much time to just stand there slack jawed with nothing to say. She kissed him quickly, and took his hand, pulling him back into the house. Dustin followed her willingly. He had changed so much so quickly since Riley came around. Most people would hardly even believe he was the same person as he was before. He was practically completely different.

Before Riley, Dustin was a distant person, no one ever really knew him, and he had intended on keeping in that way. He never let anyone control him and pushed everyone away. If someone tried to control him, he would only rebel against their control even more. Now, Riley had total control over him, and he was completely okay with it. She could lead him around like a dog on a leash all she wanted, and he would be more than content to simply follow her wherever she went. He was almost like a child with his mother as she pulled him into the bedroom and pushed him down so he was sitting on the bed, then kissed the top of his head.

He couldn't help but stare as she walked away, then returned and undressed. She asked him what he wanted to do today, and before he even knew what he was saying, he had already said it. You. was the only word that came to mind, and the only word he said. As soon as he'd said it, he realized that probably wasn't the best answer in the world, and was a tiny bit thrown off by having spoken without thinking, considering he normally always planned out everything he said right down to the letter. With... you... anything so long as it's with you... he said, attempting to correct himself, and failing rather miserably. Poor Dustin, Riley turned his world upside down, and he didn't know how to deal with it. He was content though... with this confusion. For the first time he was confused, and he liked it that way. Being confused meant things were different than they ever had been , and that was a good thing.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Love is a tricky thing, it means different things to different people. To some it is merely something you'd take lightly and say all the time. And to others just a line that means " Come on, sleep with me." But to the people who have actually experienced true love. It was alot more than just a word. It was an electric shock that runs through you when you touch them. A tongue tied, butterflies, nervous mess of emotions running through you a million miles a minute. And when you talk to them the words barely came out over all your excitement. Love is what makes your stomach flip-flop every time you see them. And makes you want to spend every second of every day with that one special person. Love is genuine, pure, honest and true, love is what Riley felt for Dustin.

Dustin Kurucz, the one that couldn't get away. Riley had worked her way into his heart and there was no way she was leaving, at least not with out a fight. Dustin was Rileys savior, he had shown her what love is. And before this Riley hadn't used the word because she never understood its true meanings until now. She just thought it was simple, get a good looking guy, sleep with him, hold hands...... She realized that was hardly the case. Love took work, trust, honesty, and Riley wanted to give Dustin that so much that it killed her inside to keep something from him. She knew in her heart eventually she would have to tell him the truth. But seeing him so happy with her made her want to hide it deep down inside of her. And yes, Riley knew within a month or two he would notice when her stomach wasn't growing and her menstrual cycle came and went that she was lying.

But Riley was going to wait until she revealed him the secret. She was just too content with his happiness to upset him. And now that he told her about his alcohol and drug addictions, she knew that when she told him thats what he'd turn to. He'd probably use drugs to forget about her, he'd probably leave and not come back after she lied to him. Riley was trying to prepare herself for the worst before she was going to tell him. But nothing could prepare her for the thought of her only true love never wanting to see her face again, nothing. She pushed that to the back of her mind.

Dustin's response was one she got often from the stupid higschool and college guys she fooled around with, always after sex. But Riley knew there was more behind his words than meaning sex. He was fumbling his words. Riley just smiled at him as he said the rest of his sentence and completely failing at the recovery. But he was trying and that was more than enough for Riley. She leaned forward and gave his sweet lips a small kiss and giggled. Fine, I have some where in mind.... She smiled then took his hand and led him down the stairs of her home. Deroda was cleaning the dining room as they walked past. Good morning Miss Riley, She said in her Russian accent Riley smiled Morning she said happily.

Once outside a silver BMW pulled up to the drive way and a man got out and opened the door for Riley and Dustin she got in and waited for Dustin to get in as well.

[Dustin Kurucz]

Dustin hadn't ever had anyone do things for him in his life that he could remember. When he was five and his parents started drinking and doing drugs, that was when he had to fend for himself for the first time. Sadly, he was only one of many many children in the same situation down where he lived, and it had become such a common thing for that area, that people had stopped bothering with trying to save these children from the hell they called life. That was when Dustin first learned to steal... it was just food to survive... but it was stealing nonetheless. He also learned how to be invisible at a young age. Living in constant fear of the Bandidos, he made a habit of disappearing whenever they came around... and believe me, they came around regularly. Stealing whatever drugs, money, or alcohol the poverty stricken people had managed to get, killing, raping, beating, and otherwise destroying lives as they went.

There had been one instance when Dustin hadn't been able to get away from them. He was 13, and his parents had successfully beaten him senseless. When he came to, they were coming, and lacking the time necessary to gather his wits and full consciousness and escape their wrath. Unfortunately, the smart thing to do would have been to simply remain where he was on the ground and have them pass him by thinking he was still unconscious. Unfortunately, Dustin wasn't exactly thinking quite clearly, and as he stood up unsteadily, they came in. Nearly incoherent still at that point, Dustin couldn't process what they were saying or doing as they demanded his drugs, money, and alcohol... none of which Dustin even had. It wasn't even registering in his mind that they were talking to him so when he suddenly found himself slammed back against a wall with a knife to his throat, he was severely confused, and still couldn't respond because he simply couldn't think at that point.

He finally managed to slurr out an "I don't know" which didn't really answer their demands, but at least it was something. Taking him for a drunk and therefore a liar, he was again beaten into unconsciousness and simply left there to die. Unfortunately for them... Dustin was more resilient than that, and although he was out for quite some time... how long he wasn't sure, he did eventually come around, luckily before his drunk and high parents returned to unleash all their anger on him. He didn't really remember much of the events following his second coming around, except that he knew he had to get out of there before they came back, and somehow managed to pull off his disappearing act with an only partially functioning mind. He had fended for himself for a long time, the key to survival was to simply disappear off the face of the earth for a while.

So it made sense then that this whole living with Riley thing was a new experience for him. The whole concept of a maid was completely foreign to him, and he honestly found it a little odd that there was someone completely unrelated to either of them in any way living there... but he wasn't bothered by it. Hell, he'd spent most of his life among people that he didn't know and didn't want to know. Whether it be on the streets of Mexico, in prison, or on the streets of the United States, there were always people about that were complete strangers, most of whom he would never associate with. Even so, it still felt odd to have Deroda there... then again, the whole bed and a roof and four walls and everything else that came with a house was strange to him. He was so used to living in the open air, even in the freezing months of winter, that going from that to a huge mansion like the one Riley lived in was honestly a lot like culture shock to him.

Everything he had ever known had changed suddenly and drastically with Riley. He was never loved... until Riley. He was rarely indoors... until Riley. He hadn't ever had a girlfriend... until Riley. He'd never had anyone do anything for him... until Riley. She just turned his world upside down and flipped it inside out before he could even blink an eye, and he was completely disoriented and out of place now, which was indeed a strange thing for him. He didn't like to be in situations where he was unfamiliar with the workings of it all... naturally so, since his whole life whenever he wasn't in control bad things happened... and yes... the elusive Dustin Kurucz was afraid. He was afraid of change, afraid of not knowing, afraid of many many things... but with Riley, he was willing to face all of it, to start anew, to step out of his boundaries of comfort and change everything.

When Riley lead him outside and slipped into the car where there was a driver waiting, Dustin hesitated a moment. First of all, the first and last time he had been in a car of any sort had been the day he killed his little sister's murderer, and second of all, a driver was just as foreign to him as a maid. For a moment, that passive look started to creep into his expression... the one he always got when he was going through a flashback... and vague images of the last time he saw Shay alive rushed through his memory like water through a cracked dam. His fingers curled into fists as he tensed and closed his eyes, willing the images to go away, and in the process nearly forgetting to breathe due to concentrating so hard on making the memories fade back into the back of his mind where they belonged.

Though it seemed like an eternity, only a few seconds went by before he had successfully accomplished ridding himself of the flashback before it had completely taken him. His eyes flashed open again and his lungs began expanding and contracting once again, sucking in the oxygen he had deprived them of, even for such a short time. Forcing himself to regain his composure in nearly an instant, he moved into the car beside Riley, no longer fighting the flashbacks, but fighting the craving for the drugs which he had been contaminating his body with for so long. He wasn't going to give in like that... he couldn't. He wanted to get clean... besides, he had Riley... she was the only drug he needed. Where are we going? he asked Riley in a desperate attempt at getting his mind off the drugs. Right now, this honestly was Dustin at his best. He was fighting his past, fighting the drugs, fighting everything that he had ever known... just for the sake of Riley and his baby. Nothing except the girl he loved and the baby they were expecting could have inspired this kind of determination in him... and that was saying a lot.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Riley had never really thought about how she'd tell him, where she'd tell him, even when she'd tell him. But she knew it had to be done. And she had a good idea of where. Her family owned a small cabin near Pinewood, for when they visited Rileys cousins Vivian and Sebastian. Riley hadn't been back there in a couple of years. Her parents hired a caretaker for the cabin to keep it clean and ready for whenever they visit. She remembered her childhood at that place with Viv and Seb... Playing in the lake, swimming, canoeing. They had some good times up at that little cabin. The cabin was as big as a normal sized house. But to Riley it seemed small and quaint, she was used to bigger more extravagent homes such as hers. But the cabin had a really nice interior.

It was only a few seconds before Dustin got into the car and the driver had shut the door behind him. She answered his question with It's a surprise Riley flashed him a mischevious smile and clicked the remote which closed the little window between the front off the car and the back of the car with a dark sheet of glass. She put her hand on his knee and squeezed it slightly then she leaned over and kissed his lips gently. Pulling away she looked at him with a little bit of a puzzled look. It seemed he had something on his mind.

Usually with any of her other boyfriends Riley wouldn't really care about what they were thinking about. She'd be too busy texting, or telling them about what she had bought today or what they were going to do that night. But with it was different with Dustin, she wanted to know his every thought, his every problem.... everything. She didnt want to be a bad girlfriend like she had been the last couple years. She cared about him too much to not notice he was a little distant. Riley didn't want him to think she didn't care, or didn't want to know.

Maybe it was that she needed to take her mind off of the fact that she needed to tell Dustin about the false pregnancy, so she wanted to drown those thoughts out of her head as fast as possible. Whats wrong handsome? And boy was he ever handsome, Riley didnt know how he could be so amazing... but he was. Riley knew she was a lucky women when she found Dustin.

[Dustin Kurucz]

Dustin really had no idea what he was doing. Riley was the first person he'd ever had that was even close to a girlfriend. He really didn't know what he was supposed to do with this sort of thing... he didn't know what people did on dates, he didn't know what a boyfriend was supposed to do on a regular basis, he didn't know if he was supposed to act differently now... he really just didn't know anything about how the whole dating system worked. The only thing he really knew about his life at this point was that he was in love with Riley... unconditionally. Nothing could change how much he was in love with her. Right now he was in love with her as much as he possibly could be. If he was more of a man... more in control of his life... less of a disappointment... less of a failure at life... he would ask her to marry him. Of course... there was no way he was asking her to marry him now... he was a pathetic drug addict with nothing to his name except the title of an alcoholic.

When Riley put his hand on his leg, he turned and looked at her, just in time for her lips to meet his as she closed the window between the driver and themselves. He moved his hand up and slid his arm around her, placing his hand on her lower back ever so gently. There was a lot on his mind though, so when he kissed her back, there was a little bit of passion lacking in it. He was just so worried about everything that was going on. He didn't know what he was supposed to do now that their relationship was more involved, he wasn't used to being catered to with drivers and maids and all that jazz, he was terrified of being a dad and had no idea how to be a good parent... everything had changed quite quickly for him, and he wanted nothing more than to just be everything that Riley needed... but he didn't know how to. He was just really really lost right now and he needed time to get it straight before everything would be okay.

Nothing's wrong... he said, picking his words very carefully... thrown off yet again by what she said. No one had ever called him "handsome" before... not in reference to his appearance... and certainly not as a "name." If he was thrown off his game before, he was really thrown off now. He was so thoroughly confused by this point... he felt like his head was going to explode any minute now... but strangely enough... it was a was a strangely good sort of feeling. Before he had been so crushed by his past, by everything that was his life... and now it was all gone and he had probably just floated up into the atmosphere and since there was now no air around him he was just going to shrivel up and die... and once the old Dustin died, a new Dustin would be free to finally live. I'm just... not really... used to... all this. I mean people doing things for me... I just... I've always done everything for myself...

Then again... in Dustin's world... "doing everything for himself" was essentially doing nothing. His life was definitely far from well constructed, and he'd never really done much to help himself. Everything he tried to do to make things better only made things worse for him. The drugs only numbed the pain for so long... the alcohol only made the world seem less bad for a little while... and eventually it all came back to haunt him anyway. Of everything he had tried to fix things, he hadn't ever tried love... he was turning over a new leaf... all for riley.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

The two blonde children chased the brunette all along the shore line. The brunette was letting out high-pitched squeals. The blondies left deep foot prints in the ground as they continued their pursuit. The little brunette tripped on a rock and rolled as the kids chasing her caught up holding a big disgusting worm in the boys hands. No, guys please! The little blonde girl held her arms laughing and giggling. The boy slowly lowered the worm over her face, she screamed again Sebastian, dont even think about it The boy grinned widely missing his two front teeth, He was only about 8. Only if...... And before he could finish his sentence. The young version of Riley had already wriggled free. Riley, Sebastian, Vivian Come inside. Saved by the bell, Riley stuck her tongue out at Sebastian and he shot a playful glare at her and ran inside.

Riley was sitting there all these years later, on her way with the guy she loves to that place she had spent lots of her child hood. The place her and Viv and Seb had spent many afternoons running around playing tag and becoming close cousins. Since those days, they had all grown apart. They used to be good friends, but now they rarely saw eachother. They lived completely different lives and their parents rarely talked. It was wierd not seeing or talking to them in so long.

Dustin definatly had something on his mind. Maybe he was thinking about the 'baby' they were having. Which flooding Rileys head with all these questions about what he'd do when he found out. He'd probably leave her.... but she deserved it especially because she was keeping this from him for so long. She was a horrible girlfriend, he was trying so hard to be a good boyfriend and she was ruining what they have. A couple is supposed to share everything with one another. And she was keeping one of the worst secrets she has ever kept in her life. It was killing her to keep this from him.

After Dustin told her what was really the matter. Riley smiled Trust me you'll get used to it, Are you sure there isnt anything else on your mind? She could still see his mind was busy on something else. He was probably just nervous about the "baby". If Riley was actually going to be a mother she be scared sh.itless. Being a parent would be the scariest thing in the world for her, but she'd be willing to do anything for Dustin. Even if it did mean faking her pregnancy.... for now.

[Dustin Kurucz]

Riley was right... Dustin was worried about the baby. He was incredibly worried about the whole ordeal. He didn't think he was going to be a good dad for this baby. He couldn't even take care of himself. He was a drug addict, an alcoholic, and he had more enemies than he could even keep count of. He was certain that he was going to only bring harm to them by staying, but he couldn't stand the thought of being without Riley. He loved her, and he had seen now much he hurt her when he left the first time. He was sure he couldn't life with the guilt of leaving her again, especially since she was going to have his baby. Sure, he knew she was well off enough to afford a baby, but affording a baby and raising a baby were two entirely different things. He couldn't leave her to raise his baby on her own. He did a lot of bad things, but he would never do that.

He did feel kind of bad about lying to her about what was on his mind, and she could probably tell. He wasn't good at lying to Riley. Sure, he could lie to anyone on the street... but Riley was a whole different story. He'd told her everything... he told her he had killed someone... he told her he was a drug addict and and alcoholic... he told her he had been to prison... he told her everything. And despite all his shortfalls, she still accepted him... she still told him that she loved him. It was as if she somehow understood... or else didn't care that he did all that, and only cared about him. He was completely convinced that Riley was the only person alive who could still love him even after knowing everything that he had done. He still strongly believed that the man he'd killed had deserved it... but that was his opinion. If Riley hadn't understood his motives, and seen that he only did it because it was the only way to bring about justice for his sister's death... he didn't doubt that he would already be in prison.

To be perfectly honest he didn't even know how he got into this situation. He had planned on just terrorizing Riley, since she had taken a fascination in him... but somewhere along the line he lost sight of that, and fell for her. He was still terrified of hurting her, but feeling loved was the best sensation that Dustin had ever experienced, and he didn't want it to end. When she asked him if there was anything else, he couldn't force himself to just lie to her again. He had to tell her. I don't think I'm going to be a very good dad... He said with quite a bit of uncertainty, I can hardly take care of myself, I don't know how to take care of a baby. Of course, that wasn't entirely true, he had taken care of Shayla since she was one years old... but a newborn... he'd never even touched a new born baby. He was fairly certain he wouldn't even know what to do with one... and the last thing he wanted was to be a bad parent.

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[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Riley had been getting a little nervous over the past 2 and a half weeks, she was late. And she was positive it could only be one thing.... maybe she really was pregnant. She had to find out herself for sure. It was actually making her scared, now she really knew what Dustin was feeling. Being a parent was the scariest thing she could think of. She had always been so dependant on other people the thought of a child being solely dependant on her freaked her out. And it probably wouldnt go over to well with her parents or her friends.

Riley looked at Dustin he had something on his mind for sure. She watched him as he thought and picked his words carefully. It always fascinated Riley, how Dustin spoke. Always picking just the right thing to say. And he never had a shortage of witty answers, he was different to what Riley was used to. Riley was used to the football team captain, boys who cared more about their public image than their girlfriends. But Dustin was the opposite, he cared for Riley, he loved her.

Once Dustin told her what he was really afraid of, she smiled softly and put her hand on knee. We're both new to this, And I know for a fact that you'll be a great dad..... I love you She said looking him in the eyes. You could sense slightly that she was also nervous. Riley was trying to be strong for Dustin because all this time he had being strong for her.

The car pulled into the driveway of the Lake House. Riley had a flashback of Sebastian, Vivian and her playing as kids. There were a few good memories of them as kids but they only saw eachother a couple times a year. The car pulled up to the door and the door man opened the door for them. Riley got out holding Dustins hand bringing him with her. She walked up to the big red door and unlocked it. The door opened slowly and revealed the inside of the house. The lights were on and everything was in its place, The Caretaker of the property had kept it clean for unexpected visits.

[Dustin Kurucz]

It was true... Dustin wasn't like most guys. While most guys his age were into sports, especially football, and being "cool." Most of them didn't even know how to treat a girl right... but Dustin was nothing like it. He always thought about what he said... sometimes too much. People often took him as rude when he didn't respond to what they said, but it was just because he was so carefully thinking about what to say that he forgot to say something. He didn't want to offend anyone, and he definitely didn't want to say the wrong thing. He definitely knew how to treat a girl right. He would never pressure them to doing anything they didn't want to do, and the worst thing he had ever done to a girl was playing his little game with them. Making them obsess over him, then disappear, leaving them in wonder of what happened to the ever elusive Dustin.

Some of that had changed, but for the most part, now that he was here with Riley, he wanted to be better for her, but he didn't know how to be better. He was trying so hard to be more than he ever had been, and honestly, it was harder than he could have ever imagined it being. The worst was the drug problem. He had gotten himself so addicted to so many drugs that half the time he didn't even know what the withdrawals were from exactly. Some days it was worse than others... but many times it involved uncontrollable shaking, pain, migraines, and a light headed feeling. It was never pleasant, but so far, he had always managed to hold out through them when Riley was around. When she wasn't, he would almost always give in to the cravings for the drugs.

When he looked up at Riley and she assured him that he would be a good dad, you could see the fear and the shame in his expressive brown eyes, but the coldness that had formerly been there was completely gone. Riley had broken down that icy shield that he had put up around himself to keep intruders out, and to protect himself from being hurt again... and now he was completely vulnerable. Telling her about everything that had happened to him... everything he had done... it was the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life... but he felt strangely better about it all when she put her arms around him and told him it was alright. He had been so afraid that when he told her she would be unable to see anything but a murderer in him, that when she said that man had deserved it, he felt like he finally found where he belonged.

Then again, as they pulled up to the lake house and the two of them stepped out of the car, he felt suddenly out of place again. This was their second house... the vacation house... they didn't even live here most of the time... and still it was nicer than anything Dustin had ever lived in. Here he was, just street trash... hand in hand with the most wealthy girl in town, walking into one of the nicest houses he'd ever seen. What kind of dream was this? He didn't know what to say or do as they stepped into the already lit and warm house... how could he? Everything with Riley was completely new to him. So instead of saying anything, he just let her pull him along behind her in silence. Yes, he was a little overwhelmed with everything that had happened lately, and yes, he did need Riley holding his hand through everything. His world had just been turned upside down, he needed someone strong and steady to hold onto... and Riley was all he had.

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