[Riley] Looking for yourself out there

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

To be perfectly honest that was the first time Riley had spoken those words to anyone. Even when she was little no one in her family used the words ' I love you'. Because how could you love a child when you barely knew them? She by no means had a hard life but she never had any emotional connections to anyone. Not her mom, dad, boyfriends no body. The word 'I love you' were scary up until now, because up until now Riley had no clue what love was. Love was indescribable, it was amazing and scary and beatiful.

The moment the words left her mouth he backed away and looked like he was scared and deep in thought. She looked into his deep dark sorrowful eyes biting at the inside of her lip. She stepped forward and took his hand again he was almost shaking. Then she put her arms around his torso trying to console him. He was having a flashback or something. Whatever it was he was very emotional about it.

Then he said what? in a sort of confused way. Riley looked him dead in the eye and said Dustin Kurucz I .... I love you. Then she moved her hands placed them on him chest still looking intensely into his eyes. Then she lay her head on his chest letting him take it all in. It was like he was in shock. She just wanted him too wrap his arms around her and sit there for eternity.

Then after a few minutes she looked back up and kissed him passionately on the lips running her hands up his chest and behind his head. She pulled away and pressed her forehead to his, she giggled childishly and rubbed her nose against his and gave him a quick kiss on the lips then just stood there with a puzzled look on her face wondering what he was thinking.

[Dustin Kurucz]

It had been nearly two years now since he had last heard those words being directed towards him. Two years and not even so much as a sign of affection from anyone for him. Two years of drug addictions and alcoholism with no sign of willingness to help from anyone. Two years of carrying the weight of losing Shayla, of bearing the burden of killing that man. Two years of hell on earth. Two years worth of building walls and hatred towards anyone and everyone... shattered in two seconds by those simple words. His mind was stopped, his body frozen as those words echoed through him, cutting through him like a sharpened blade piercing his heart. After going for more than a combined total of ten years without being loved at all, hearing someone say that almost hurt... but in a good way. It was the kind of ache where all the pains of the day leave your body at night and you feel more comfortable and relieved than you think you ever have.

His breathing was deep but quick as thoughts raced through his head at a faster pace than they ever had. Everything that he had ever known, ever believed, had just been shattered in a single moment. Just when he thought that he and Riley could never be, here she was telling him she loved him. Just when he came to believe that he was just a worthless scumbag that no one could ever love, here Riley was telling him she loved him. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to think, he didn't know what to say. He hadn't ever felt this way in his life, and he didn't know what it was. As she repeated herself it sunk in even more... was this really it? Had he just found his escape from a world that wanted to do him in? Everything was spinning so fast he felt like the strength was being siphoned out of his body at a horribly fast pace.

Although most would expect him to say that he loved her too, he wasn't quite sure this was really happening. How... he started to ask, then, thanks to the questions all running through his mind, he asked another question before even finishing the first. Why would you love me? To a certain extent, Dustin was afraid, and it was showing. Every time someone had loved him it had been turned around on him and they either hurt him or they ended up being hurt... he didn't want that for Riley. He was in love with her, but he didn't want her to get hurt or to end up dead like Shayla. He was really struggling to understand this concept, even though to most people it was quite simple. He hadn't ever really know what love felt like... at least not this kind of love. He had loved Shayla, and before his parents started hurting him, he had loved them too... but this sort of love he hadn't ever experienced, and je just didn't seem like he was quite capable of grasping just yet.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Dustin was like a statue, he hadn't moved it was like he was afraid of the words. Riley could understand it, she waited patiently for him to calm himself. He looked deep in thought, maybe he was thinking of leaving her again. She bit her lip hard hoping this wasn't true. All of her life she had been longing for an emotional connection like this. And she had probably just ruined it, with those three small words, those stupid eight letters: I love you. How could she have been so stupid, She should have just kept it bottled up inside her. But no she had to go and ruin it, great.

She might as well just out herself now. And tell him she was lying to him about being pregnant. Because the way this conversation was going it looked like Dustin was going to go under the radar and not resurface for a long while. Riley couldn't handle the thought of him leaving again. But when he finds oput about her lying it was basically inevitable. He was going to leave again and she would be left all alone ...... again. Broken down, Broken hearted and lonely.

She took a calm sigh and exhaled slowly trying to calm herself and not say what she was going to say. Yeah it wouldnt sound to good in this conversation to say " Oh by the way, Im lying to you about being pregnant your not going to be a dad, so you can scamper off like last time' She was sure that wasnt the thing he wanted to hear right now. He finally spoke..... more questions that Riley probably didnt know how to answer and if she tried she would end up using the lines from a cheesy love movie.

'Why do you love me?' She thought in her head. Gorgeous, caring, loving, smart, witty,strong. But she loved him as a whole person. There wasn't really a proper way to answer the question. She loved him because she did and that was all that's too it I love you because...... She paused I love you because, you accept me for who I am and don't judge me because we're polar opposites. I love you because I know I can come to you about anything and you'll listen even if you have one hundred things on your mind you'll let me go first. I love you because your kind and sweet and loving. She was leaning on his chest looking up at him she spoke quieter And I love you because I know you love me too. She reached up and kissed him sweetly on the lips. And took both his hands in her, looking up at him smiling.

[Dustin Kurucz]

Finally, when Riley said she knew that he loved her too, everything started working right again. Thoughts slowed, though they were still moving too quickly for comfort, and he regained control of his body so he could move again. She was right... he did love her. He couldn't explain why, he couldn't explain anything anymore... all he knew was that it was true. Riley Hartman had stolen all that was left of Dustin Kurucz's heart... a feat which was a lot easier said than done. Ever since that day... the first time his mom had told him she didn't love him... he had put up emotional and mental blocks, refusing to let anyone that might hurt him get close. Then after Shayla was killed and Dustin killed the man that had done it to her, he put up even higher walls, refusing to let anyone at all get anywhere near him. He had been hurt so much by the people who were supposed to care the most that he was convinced that no one could ever love him... but now here Riley was, tearing down those walls and destroying his defenses.

He kissed her back, though just barely, and looked down at her hands in his, trying to conjure up the courage to confirm what she had just said. It may seem like a silly thing to struggle over now, since Riley already knew he loved her... but for Dustin, saying those words was harder than anything else he'd ever done in his life. It had been two years since he had said those words... two years since anyone had said them to him... no one knew how hard this was for him. His breathing was still slightly shaky, and he hadn't quite gathered all of his lost composure yet, but he was slowly returning to his normal self. He was obviously still struggling though... not with any of the outer things, but with himself internally. His heart was telling him to let her in, his head telling him to push her away... he was starting to feel the need to get high again to try to drown out the voices, and trying to resist it was almost impossible.

Silence drew out between them for a moment as Dustin fought with himself, and just when he thought he couldn't bear it anymore, he subconsciously made a decision without even realizing it. I do love you. He said before he knew what he was saying. As soon as those words left his mouth there was an instant silence in his mind. The voices were gone, the urge to get himself high was gone, the fear was gone... all of it... everything that had been stopping him from telling Riley he loved her, everything that had been preventing him from being with her... it was just gone. He didn't know how, it just was. With that silence came a huge rush of relief, and a sense of peace that he hadn't ever known before. Finally his dark eyes traveled up from their hands to meet hers, and for a moment just stayed there. Then with a trembling hand, he pulled her closer to him and kissed her, letting all the pain and grief of his past channel into passion for her. He loved her... Dustin's wild heart had been tamed.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

It took all Rileys strength to keep her mouth from falling to the cement path below. She never thought it would happen, he had finally let her in. After all the days she had spent trying to talk to him. She had finally teared down the thick cement wall that was protecting his heart from the outside world. Before she could say anything after that he kissed her so passionately. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him back with a burning fiery passion. Riley had never ever felt this way before it was indescribable, it was .... love.


Dustin was the one for Riley he was her prince charming. He was her passion,her obsession. She loved everything about him the good the bad. Dustin was the answer to Riley's loneliness. And she couldn't believe that he had finally admitted his love for her. When Riley was a little girl she had pictured what the person she'd fall in love with would look like, and the person she had always picture looked kind of like a Ken doll. Dustin was like nothing she would have thought of. He was rugged and tough but also amazingly sexy.

Riley pulled away from the kiss that they had shared and smiled up at him. She took his hand once more and for the first time in her life she didn't want to ruin the moment with words. Riley lead him into the house and up the stairs to her bedroom. Still being silent she closed the door behind them. This was the first time she had lead a boy into her room and not had sex. She just wanted him to hold her. Riley slipped out of her clothes and put on a pair off short pink shorts and a white polka dotted bra. She walked to the bed and looked to him and smiled sweetly.

[Dustin Kurucz]

There was so much fear involved in this for Dustin. I mean really truly, he was terrified. He was afraid that if Riley found out what he had done... aside from all the drugs and drinking... she would never see him the same again. He was afraid that she would push him away, never want to see him again. None of this was supposed to happen to him. He was supposed to just play his mind game with her and walk away with a clean conscience. But she had turned the tables on him, and now he was further into this than he had ever planned on being. He himself could hardly believe that he had said that word. He hadn't said it in over two years now, and before just an hour earlier, he hadn't thought he would ever say it again in his life. Before now, he wasn't sure he was able to say it... he wasn't sure he was able to admit that, to her or to himself. Love had always betrayed him before, and he was afraid of getting hurt again.

When Riley took his hand and lead him up into the house, he followed willingly and silently. Riley had won him over, and he was hers to command. Normally Dustin rebelled against any sort of rule over him and against those who would try to control him, but somehow being under Riley's control was right... it was how things were supposed to be. He still wasn't all that comfortable in her ornate house, but she needed him, and as much as he didn't want to admit it, he needed her too. He had been so strong for so long, doing everything on his own, never needing anyone, refusing help... and now here he was, bending to Riley's will, relying on her for strength, needing her desperately in order to survive, and accepting anything she sent his way. In just a few days Riley had taken his world and turned it inside out, changing everything he had ever believed in.

The way he stood in complete silence watching her every move to some would appear almost creepy... but that was just how Dustin was. He was silent, and he was an observer. The way Riley moved simply fascinated him. Everything about her was just perfect. When she sat on the bed and smiled over at him, he walked over to her, and sat beside her, wrapping his arms around her. There was still a bit of uncertainty in everything Dustin did, but it was only because of that fear of getting hurt. He knew he loved Riley, and he knew she loved him, but he had also known he loved Shayla and that she had loved him... and Shayla ended up dead. He knew as a child he had loved his parents and at first they had loved him... and they had ended up hurting him in the worst possible way a child could be hurt. How could he be certain he wouldn't end up hurting somehow by letting Riley in?

It was quite late by now, and he knew Riley had to be tired. He was a bit too simply because those flashbacks took so much out of him. So without a word, he pulled Riley down so she was lying down, but kept his strong arms wrapped around her, almost afraid that if he let go this would all come to an end and he would find himself alone again. I love you Riley. he whispered quietly in her ear. He probably couldn't have said it any louder if he wanted to. It was still hard to admit that, still hard to say it, and almost hard to believe it. Saying those words would get easier with time, but if Dustin didn't get his drug and alcohol addictions under control, time wasn't really something they had much of. He had screwed everything up so badly that getting out of this mess was going to be a bigger challenge than anyone knew. He wasn't about to go to some support group... he'd rather put a bullet in his head than do that... but he didn't know if he was strong enough to fight them without help.

Then, with Riley wrapped comfortably in his arms, he slowly drifted off to sleep for the first time since two weeks ago when he had left Riley and evidently impregnated her. He had been so restless... and high and drunk... since that day that he had deprived himself of the sleep he had so desperately needed. He felt completely awful for leaving her like that. The last thing he had wanted was to make her think she was just a hit and run for him. He truly did have feelings for her, he just couldn't let her know that, and he couldn't allow his personal feelings to get in the way of the fact that he knew he would only hurt her if he stayed. Now that he was back with her though, everything was right again, and he could rest easily.

Quite some time later, he broke out of his sleep, much the same way he had those two weeks ago... but this time the voice telling him to leave wasn't the cause of it. This time it was the voice telling him that he needed to tell her everything. She deserved to know... he couldn't keep living this lie. Needing fresh air, Dustin slowly and silently slipped out of the bed and over to the window which he quietly opened and slipped out onto the roof. He had spent a lot of time on rooftops, and he could always think much more clearly out there. He hoped Riley didn't think he had left her again when she woke up... he could never do that to her twice. He may have been a jackass, but he wasn't that cruel and twisted. He had a heart, Riley had found it beneath all the rubble... and he couldn't hurt himself and her like that again, especially not now that she was pregnant.

Once out on the roof, he sat down facing east where the sun would be rising in an hour or two, and let all the thoughts he had been holding back fill his head slowly. This... telling Riley everything... was going to be far harder than telling her he loved her had been. It was going to hurt... it was going to hurt worse than anything he could imagine... but he had to tell her. He had to show her who he really was, and if she decided that she couldn't be with who he really was, then that was the end of that... and probably the end of Dustin Kurucz as well. He couldn't lie to her... she had to know. She had to see that he was far from perfect... that he had been to abused, that he had been sent to prison, that his baby sister had been killed, and that he had killed a man when anger and grief had been too much for him and the need for revenge had driven him to kill the man that had killed Shay... she had to know everything.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Dustin wasn't resisting anymore, he wasnt pulling away or saying he had to go. He was hers for the taking, the war was over she had won his heart and he had hers. But all the pain and heartache wont be subsided for long. Riley knew in the back of her head that she couldnt keep this secret for much longer. She had to tell him but not tonight they had finally made things right. Riley didnt really think there would ever be a right time to tell him he's not going to be a dad. She wasnt sure if he would be upset or relieved. But either way he'd be hurt by her lying to him and letting him think he'd have to raise a child with her.


Dustin willingly walked over to the bed where she was sat and he wrapped his arms around her. It felt so right the feeling of his skin against hers. Then he whispered those three words, the three words that made Rileys heart jump. She felt different when she was with him. Like she didnt have to prove herself to anyone anymore. When she lived in L.A. everything was a competition like who had the best car, biggest house best clothes, hottest body or richest boyfriend. Of course Riley was usually the winner of all those stupid games. But when Riley was with Dustin it didnt matter about those stupid thing, well of course she'd still win the hottest boyfriend but still. It wasnt about the material things it was about the two of them and that was it.

She drifted off to sleep quickly she was exhausted. Riley had a dream that Dustin had found out the truth about the pregnancy, and that Dustin left and was never coming back. Her eyes flew open, it was only just barely light out. She smiled noticing it was just a dream and turned over to face Dustin. He was gone, rage filled Rileys body. That a.sshole! Riley said really pissed off. She sat up and grabbed the lamp by her bed and tossed it into the mirror on the opposite end of the room. It shattered all over the ground. How could he do that to her again, 'what a heartless bastard' she thought to her self. It was chilly in her room she got a sweater and pulled it over her head. Still full of anger she slammed the balcony door open and went out to the patio. Breathing heavily, she put both hands on her head Ugh! She sighed heavily. She was in shock that he'd up and leave her again, and this tim e she wasnt chasing after him.

[Dustin Kurucz]

Out in the fresh cold air, Dustin felt a hell of a lot more comfortable and at ease. Out here he could breathe more easily. It was strange to think that he had spent the vast majority of his life living in the outdoors, and because of that it was strange to him to be surrounded by four walls. He had lived in Pinewood for two years now, and in those two years he had survived the harshest of winter with no roof or four walls to protect him from the frigid temperatures and howling snow storms. He didn't have money to buy himself warm winter clothing either. It took a lot to survive the bitter cold of winters here, and Dustin didn't doubt that he'd gotten frostbite more than once. He almost never slept during winters simply because he knew that if he did he ran the risk of freezing to death in his sleep without even realizing that he was that cold.

Of course now that it was summer, the cold of the nights didn't seem cold at all to him, but the fresh air was definitely refreshing. He didn't know how long he'd stayed out there, he'd gotten so lost in his thoughts that he wasn't paying any attention to how much time had passed or how quickly the sky was lighting up. He had so much to think about... how was he supposed to tell Riley that he was a murderer? How was he supposed to tell her everything that he had hidden for so long? What was he going to do if she reacted like he expected her to and told him she never wanted to see him again? What was he supposed to do if she called the cops and told them what he had told her and he was sent to prison for the rest of his life and given the death penalty at only 19 years old? God he was terrified of that... he had to say he was more afraid of the death penalty than he was of anything else right now... he just wanted justice for Shayla's death... that was all.

He jerked suddenly out of his thoughts when he heard the sound of shattering glass inside. He had a horrible feeling that meant Riley had just woken up, found him gone, and... just like everyone else always did... assumed the worst of him. It sort of hurt... knowing that she would believe he would do that to her. What did she think he was? Some sort of monster? Dustin may have screwed up a lot in his life, but he would never ever tell someone he loved them and then just leave. He had thought she believed better of him than most people, and knowing that she automatically assumed he had just left her again... that almost felt like betrayal, and again all those doubts filled his head. What if she would just end up betraying his love and his trust in the end? What if she would end up hurting him worse than anyone else had ever hurt him?

He took a deep breath and stood up from his perch on the peak of the house. He wasn't going to assume the worst of her... even if she had done so of him... he wasn't going to do the same in return. He wasn't like that. Just as silently as he always was, he moved from the peak of the roof down to the eve just above the balcony that Riley had walked out onto, and without a sound dropped onto the balcony behind her, doing his best to not let the feeling of betrayal show in his expression. I said I wanted to be in our baby's life. he said, unable to keep it out of his tone, I said I'd be here for you, and I meant it. I wouldn't just up and leave you again. His dark eyes held Riley's figure without wavering. Even though her assumption that he had left did hurt, he knew better than to really let it get to him. After all, it wasn't like she was the first person to believe that he was just a no good dirt bag with absolutely no heart. He was used to that by now.

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[`Riley S. Hartmann]

All of a sudden she heard a thud behind her and she jumped, it was Dustin jumping off her roof onto the balcony. Jesus, Dustin She said in a startled tone. Then he spoke, it wasnt her fault that she thought he left he wasn't even in the room. Well it's not everyday people wake up and think oh I'm just going to go and sit on the roof. She said in an agitated tone. He was trying to make her look like the bad guy. And I remember what you said..... she said looking down at her feet. She felt ashamed, the baby's life... there was no baby. Riley had to tell him, but she wasnt sure if she could handle the look in his eyes when he finds out she's been lying.

There was no baby, and Riley felt horrible putting him through hell like this having him think he's helping her bring a child into the world. She pushed that to the back of her mind. She looked back up to him, he was so damn sexy. Riley was puzzled on how he good look so good all the time. Riley didnt mean to be so bitchy, sometimes she just was and he`d have to deal with it. She smiled cutely at him and giggled childishly then kissed him sweetly Any way good morning sunshine! She giggled again then took his hand and held onto it. She pulled him closer and looked up at him then to the gorgeous view of trees and a small lake.

Riley sighed then wrapped her arms around his torso and laid her head on his muscular chest. She felt so calmed being with him, he was definately Mr. Right. The one she had been searching for, for so long and she found him in a little horse town in Virginia. Who would have guessed it. Her eyes shifted from the view then back up to him I really do love you. And nothing will ever change that. She squeezed him slightly and closed her eyes holding onto him. If Riley died right now she`s be a happy woman she had the man of her dreams and thats all she ever wanted was somebody to love her as much as she loved them. And thats what she got.

[Dustin Kurucz]

Dustin wasn't really trying to make her look like the bad guy... he just had a lot of issues that were going to need ironing out, and until the, they were probably going to cause a lot of conflicts between the two of them. His biggest issue was trust though... both trusting people, and people trusting him. It was anything but easy for him, that was for sure, although right now just about everything was anything but easy. He had a rough life and the way things were going now, it wasn't going to get much easier very quickly. Riley was going to have to be very careful with this one... there was no telling when he just might crack under the littlest thing.

He was slightly surprised by how she went from agitated to smiling again, but he definitely didn't mind it. He kissed her back, melting into her the moment she touched him. He had no idea up until now how much a single touch could do to him. It just made him feel lie for a brief moment he could breathe again and that everything was going to be okay. It was amazing that when his world hung in balance and could tip at any moment, he could still feel safe, secure, and like he really truly was loved. For a moment he had no fear of betrayal or heartache. For a moment it was just him and Riley without a single care in the world, and it was the best feeling he had ever come across in his life.

When she said that nothing could ever change how much she loved him, a bit of a sinking feeling came over him. I don't think you really know who I am... He said in a slightly hushed tone. He had to tell her, she had to know who he was. She had to know now, just in case she did decide to leave him they wouldn't be in quite so deep as if he waited a few years. He was still horribly afraid of how she was going to react when he told her, but not telling her wasn't an option right now. I'm a lot worse than just a drug addict and an alcoholic. Oh how horribly awful that made him sound. Worse than those two things combined? Yeah he really was awful... or so he had convinced himself. Truth was, he was just seeking justice for a little innocent girl's death, and that was the only way he knew to go about it.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Riley was just a person who jumped to conclusions to quickly. She'd always assume the worst of people. Because usually she was right, so many people in her life have betrayed her, her friends, boyfriends even her parents. She'd just have to learn to have more trust in Dustin, and not always assume the worst of him. She couldn't help but smile when she looked at him, he was gorgeous. And he was all hers, well for now. Riley wasn't sure what he'd do when he found out she was lying to him. Hopefully he stayed but, she wasn't sure. It would absoulutley kill Riley if he left. She wouldn't be able to survive without him, he was her rock.


Then he spoke in a hushed tone. A drunk, an addict? How was this going to work? Riley knew Dustin wouldn't be a person who would want to go into rehab. He wasn't really a social person, and he definately wouldn't want to go and share his feelings with a group of people he didnt even know. Riley just looked at him with a puzzled look. What could he have done that was so wrong...... She didnt want to pull away but she was a little scared. Riley just held onto him. She replayed the words he had said ' i love you'. Dustin was dangerous and Riley knew it. But she thought he was perfect the way he was. But every person has their flaws and Riley was going to have to accept reality.

He was perfect nobody was but Riley was ready to face anything with him. They'd fix their problems together. She wanted to work it out, she didnt like the fact that he had addictions but she wanted to help him. She wanted to work through it and prove her love for him. Dustin wasnt going to have to face his problems on his own anymore Riley would be there for him.l She'd be there for him when he wanted someone to talk to or somebody to hold, or tell all his frustrations to. She wanted to be there for him forever.

[Dustin Kurucz]

Riley's silence sort of scared Dustin. He didn't want Riley to be afraid of him, but he could tell just by looking at her that right now she sort of was. He wasn't just an addict and an alcoholic... he wasn't just a guy who fell into the category of "homeless" or street trash. Oh no, he'd committed crimes much worse than probably anyone else in Pinewood, and for it, he should be locked away in prison for the rest of his life, or else killed by lethal injection or the electric chair. Essentially, Dustin was one of the worst sort of criminals there was.... well at least he would appear so if he was ever linked to the man's death and convicted of murder.

All the same... he couldn't go another day without telling her. He loved her, and he didn't want to keep secrets from her. I was born in Mexico, and abused as a kid... he said slowly, picking his words more carefully than he normally would and I tried to kill myself when I was 15, but I ended up getting shot by a drunk cop and then he killed himself... With every word he was saying old wounds that had never been healed properly were being opened up. They assumed I killed him, and I spent a year in a full scale prison there in Mexico. When I got out I found out my parents had divorced, my dad had disappeared, and my mom had disowned me.

It was obvious that he was picking each word before he said it with the utmost care, trying desperately to find a way to make what he had done not nearly so bad as it was so that the chance of Riley leaving him wouldn't be quite so high. A year after that, my mom was killed by her boyfriend and he disappeared, and that left custody of their year old baby to me since I was the only known living relative. I could hardly support myself down there let alone a baby, so I moved up here when I was 17. The child services said I was as much a danger to her as I was to myself, and they put her in a foster home.

This part was definitely the hardest for him, but he knew if he stopped now, even just to try to compose himself more that he would never finish, and so he pushed on, forcing all the pain and sadness involved in Shayla's death to morph into the anger and hatred he had towards the man who had killed her. I got to see her once a week, but that was it... so when I found out her foster father was abusing her and reported it, they ignored me until it was... There he hesitated and took a deep shaky breath, locking his gaze on the ground, until it was too late and he'd killed her. But they called it an accident and he got away with it so I...

Finally he stopped, the words seeming to involuntarily refuse to exit his mouth. He was really struggling now to keep the emotion in check and keeping from letting his eyes water... So I... I killed him. He said just louder than a whisper, and closed his eyes, unable to bear the reprimand and hate he had convinced himself would come into Riley's face when he finally finished. He was terrified that she would hate him, that she would fear him... that she would leave him. He loved her... he needed her. Dustin wasn't nearly strong enough to face his addictions alone, let alone the haunting past that he had just told her every essential detail of.

Riley now knew more about Dustin than any other one person on this planet would ever know. It pained him to think that she might never want to see him again, that she might turn him in, that this might be the end. He was essentially trusting her with his very life right now. If she told someone and it got to the police that he'd been the one who killed that man, then surely his life would be over. Most people would say it was like a huge burden being lifted from their shoulders, finally telling the heavy secret they'd been carrying around for so long, but right now, Dustin felt like he'd just added to it.

Unless Riley somehow managed to just accept him for his flaws, and forgive him for what he'd done in his past, there would be no lightening of the load on his back. As he stood there in front of her, head down and eyes closed, everything that he had ever known was coming to an end. He was finally trusting someone... not just a little... but completely. He was finally believing that someone loved him enough to not judge him and hate him... he was finally starting to understand what loving someone in this way really was, and somehow, it was relieving but exceedingly painful at the same time. This was the determining moment in his life at this point. He'd told her everything there was to tell... it was in her hands now. Dustin Kurucz's life hung in limbo by a thread. God help him.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

This was finally it Dustin Kurucz and Riley Hartmann were together. After all the games and tears there they were. Dustin was holding her and Riley was holding him they were connected. Riley finally found satisfaction in life. She finished looking for someone she finished trying to prove herself. Dustin filled that empty space in Rileys heart that had been there for so long. The empty space that Riley tried to fill up with money, sex and alcohol. Dustin was the perfect fit to that empty space, he made her feel complete.

They stood there for a while just holding onto each other and then he spoke. He started to tell her his story, this is what she had been waiting for. She wanted to know him, his past. Riley wanted to find out why he was so quiet and solitary. She could tell he had gone through some painful experiences. He told her about Mexico and how he went to jail and his mom abandoned him. Then was killed. Riley just closed her eyes tightly and listened. That was horrible, he had gone through so much and Riley didnt even know.

He told her about what happened to Shayla. Riley glanced up at him his eyes where closed and head down. Riley could tell he was holding back tears. She just gripped him tightly. Then he said it I killed him Riley immediatley let go and tightened up. But it took her a few seconds to realize that Shayla was his little sister and that bastar.d killed her for no reason and that he deserved to die. Riley held his hand and took her other hand and tilted his chin up. Then stroked his cheek lightly. Im not afraid of you she whispered. Riley was emotional after hearing all this and a tear rolled down her cheek. He got what he deserved, and your little sister can Rest In Peace now she whispered again, she stroked his cheek and looked up at him with tears in her eyes. Dustin didnt deserve to be put through that. He was a good person caught in the middle of a bad situation.

[Dustin Kurucz]

Dustin's silence was cause by a combination of a few things. The first was obviously because he was the sort of guy who preferred to listen so he could figure things out. He was good at hearing what people said and the way they said things and figuring out a lot about people just by that... and there weren't many things he was good at, so when he found one thing that he was good at doing, he would obviously do it often. But that was only one of his reasons for silence. The other was more emotional... more of a heart issue than a choice. He had learned as a child that whenever he tried to say something he would be punished for it. When his parents would ask him a question, the pain they inflicted on him wouldn't be nearly so bad if he just didn't answer. There was no right answer to the questions they asked, and he would be accused of lying if he answered. If he just didn't say anything, they would forget their question and just beat him, then once the question was forgotten they would forget why they were beating him, and would stop. If he said something and was accused of lying then he would be beaten while they screamed at him for lying, and it would be much worse.

Ever since then, he had just been quiet. Sure he knew now that he wasn't going to get hurt for saying things now, but even so, it was just a habit for him to not say anything. He had been hurt by the only people who were supposed to always love and protect him, and they had hurt him in a way no child should be hurt. They had betrayed that innocent child like love he'd had of them. Their abuse essentially destroyed his life. If they hadn't abused him he wouldn't have tried to kill himself, and he wouldn't have been in the ally to be shot by that cop, and he wouldn't have been blamed for the policeman's death, and he wouldn't have let his mom be killed by her "boyfriend" and Shayla never would have been put into his custody, and he never would have moved here, and Shayla never would have been put into an abusive foster home, and she never would have been killed, and Dustin never would have killed that man, and he never would have become a drug addict... but then again, if none of that had happened, he would never would have met Riley...

When he finished what he was saying and Riley let go of him, he was fully prepared for her to turn on him, he was fully prepared to leave and never look back for her sake... he was fully prepared to give up the only thing he had left if that was what she wanted. He still couldn't bring himself to look at her though, he didn't want to see the hate and the fear. He wanted to remember her smiling and in love with him... not afraid of him because he'd killed a man. But what she did next took him completely off guard. Her arms closed around him again, and she told him she wasn't afraid of him. The moment she said those words and put her arms around him, a huge wave of relief swept over him. He had told her everything there was to know... and she was still here. All of his life he had been convinced that no one could ever know everything about him and still love him... and Riley was standing there changing all of that.

Then she told him that the man he'd killed deserved it. If he had thought that Riley couldn't love him after knowing that, then the thought never would have even crossed his mind that she might say the killing of that man was justified. His eyes finally drifted open again, and he looked at her, making eye contact with her. Tears were falling slowly from her eyes and running down her cheeks... it was like she understood... like she knew his pain now that he had told her... that she shared it with him. He felt like he'd just entered a whole new world. I love you Riley. he said softly and shakily, but with certainty. I love you. He pressed his lips against hers, relief washing over him. He could finally start living now and not be completely bound by his past.

[`Riley S. Hartmann]

Riley was still slightly shocked at the fact that Dustin had killed a man, but after listening to the she understood why he had done it and knew it was justified. She just couldn't believe the hand she had held killed a man. It was a little scary, but Riley thought it was sexy. Dustin was so dangerous, for Riley it was a major turn on. She liked the bad boys and Dustin was definately that. He was the troubled bad boy with all these problems. And Riley was the pretty rich girl searching for love. It was just like out of a book.

And Riley wasnt going to leave him because of that. Riley loved Dustin and she wasnt going to leave him. To face everything on his own she was going to stand beside him through anything. From the sounds of it Dustin never had somebody like that, somebody who didnt judge him and accepted him for who he was. Well he did once he had Shayla. But he lost her.

Dustin was so upset when he was telling his story Riley. She wanted to lighten the mood. He had gone through enough misery to last a life time. It was a shame that he had to have such a rough child hood. He was a really great person and he didn't deserve to be treated the way he was. Dustin was wonderful and smart and if he didn't have such a rough start in life, she bet he could have gone on to be a doctor, or a teacher.

But then again if he did they wouldnt have met. Riley looked up at Dustin as he said 'I love you' She smiled sweetly and he kissed her lips. Riley pulled away after a second or two and hugged him tightly I love you too she said. Riley looked up at him cutely and kissed him then touched her nose to his and smiled playfully. She giggled childishly, trying to lighten the mood.