Shane Lawrence Martin

[shane]

SHANE! STOLE YOUR HEART;

They call me JESS and I've shot for the moon 20 times.
You know you all love me and you can contact me via cheese.
Ktxbi.

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» There Goes my Hero;

THe birth certificate reads Shane Lawrence Martin
But Everyone Calls Me Shane
Ive Been Breaking Hearts for 18 years
The say I Am b/a
Ive Been Told I Look Like Avan Jogia

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» Rock and Roll, Baby.;

I am so tall 5'10"
And I Weigh 150
Ive Bee Ninked And Pierced none
They always say I look like Shane certainly isn't very tall, at 5'10" he is really just about average as far as height goes. He is also quite light weight as well. He was never all that athletic, and he definitely isn't of a very athletic build. He's not without any muscle form though. He's not one of those super puny guys... he's just not a football player either. He has black hair that in general he keeps pretty long, and swept just slightly to the side so that it stays out of his eyes. He is a rather fair skinned, and has a very clear complexion... some have said he has an almost feminine complexion in an attempt to irritate him, though it never works.

His eyes are very soft and brown, as well as extremely expressive. Not being able to talk means he has to find other modes of conversation. He was never able to pick up sign language very well, and it mostly just frustrated him, so he went with other less conventional ways... namably facial expressions and post-it notes. He has very naturally straight teeth, and a cute timid smile that usually makes him look embarrassed and even more shy. He usually has a hard time meeting new people because when he doesn't respond right away people think him rude and get offended, but they get used to it eventually, and usually the smile changes their mind about him quickly.

For the most part he generally just wears jeans and a t-shirt or dress shirt, though nothing too fancy. He's more of a casual sort of guy. Of course, if someone manages to talk him into going somewhere formal then he will get more dressed up, but those occasions are few and far between. His expression is usually pleasant, though still slightly timid. He tries to smile as often as possible, but when he gets into an awkward situation he usually forgets and ends up biting his lip just slightly, the tell tale sign that he is uncomfortable with the situation. He is definitely a morning person and is always quite chipper and awake at early hours, but can't seem to stay up past midnight, and usually looks about like he's about to pass out by the time the clock strikes 12.
This Is What Makes Me Stand Out his eyes

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» Chances Taken, Hope Embraced;

I Adore
Horses
Post-It Notes
Pens
Cats
Music
I Abhor
Assumptions
Not being able to talk
angry people
Shots
Gamblers
I Rock
Working with horses
Hand writing
Adapting to changes
I Suck
Conversation
Explaining
"saying" no
I Do
blushes madly when complimented
bites lip when nervous
I Want to figure out what to do with his life
I Fear
being rejected for his disability
Not being able to write
crowds
I Shut up
fear of crowds (social anxiety)
Hates not being able to speak
I am Naturally, Shane is a very quiet person... this of course being due to the fact that he can't speak at all. Because of this, he has always been rather shy, and never really had all that many friends. He's essentially just misunderstood most of the time. Of course, when he gets to know people better, he gets to be more outgoing... as outgoing as a mute guy could be. He's not very easy to make mad, and when he's around people he knows, he tends to smile a lot more than when he's in a room full of strangers. When he is without his post-it notes and a pen, he is completely lost. Imagine a mute guy trying to explain that he cannot talk when he has no way to actually tell them... yeah, not good.

He absolutely adores horses and cats, since neither of them have to have spoken word to obey... since cat's don't obey anyway, and horses are better than that. He was first introduced to horses when he was 10, and has been in a love affair with them since. He's never jumped a horse or done any sort of sports with them, but a lot of people have started calling him a silent horse whisperer. He seems to just have a certain way with them that brings out the best in both of them. Some say it's because of his silence that horses are so prone to get attached to him, since he would never be capable of raising his voice towards them or anything of that sort... but he prefers to say that he just connects with them... but to each his own.

Really he's quite sweet all in all. He never holds grudges, and he definitely doesn't jump to conclusions or accuse people of things they might not have done. He's really not all that outgoing though, so meeting people definitely takes time. It's hard for a guy who can't talk to just go out there and meet new people, since it would seem a bit strange to a complete stranger for a guy to come up and hand them a sticky note with something written on it. So he generally just waits for people to come up to him, then quickly writes the best explanation he can come up with, and hopes that they'll take it.

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» I Know I Won't Be Home At All;

I Came From
Marsha, 48, nurse
Todd, 52, Insurance Agent
I Share My Dna With n/a
I Come From Lexington Kentucky
But I Live Here Now Pinewood
This Is Who I was When Shane Lawrence Martin was born, it seemed strange to all of them that he never made a sound. There was crying, as there would be with any baby, but it was a silent cry... tears with no sound. Of course, it was a concern to his parents, and then soon had him at a doctor inquiring as to why he was so quiet, where they were informed that he was mute... that he never would make a sound in his life. This of course, caused problems... baby monitors were useless, as was listening for his crying. so his parents would get up every two hours alternately to check on him... though often he would cry for an hour, and give up, so by the time they would come in, he would be asleep once again.

Growing up mute was difficult. People urged him to learn sign language, and he did try... but it always ended up simply frustrating him, and he gave up on it after learning a few of the essential common signs, and resorted to writing everything he wanted to say. There were a lot of problems from when he as about three to seven when he couldn't write, and he couldn't tell people what he wanted or needed... believe it or not, during those years, he had been a quite angry child because he just couldn't tell people what he wanted to tell them. When he learned to write though, all his problems were solved. As soon as he could effectively convey what he wanted to, the anger and frustration was gone, and he completely mellowed out into a reserved and agreeable person.

When he was 10 years old, he had gone to the fair, and wandered off from his parents as he often did. Despite his inability to speak, he was quite independent. While he was off wandering, he happened upon the horse barns, and being as curious as he was, he climbed into one of the outside paddocks and over to the horse within. It was a young horse, maybe three years old, which had very little training... but he didn't know that. When the owners of the horse came around, they just about freaked out at the sight of a little boy in their untrained horse's stall... but when they noticed that the horse was following him about like a well trained dog, they were fascinated. When they asked him where he learned about horses he simply shrugged and wrote here on a post it note. Shortly after that his parents bought him an old gelding that he could learn to ride on.

When he was 15, they moved from their home in Kentucky to an apartment in L.A when his dad got a job there, and they had to sell the horse. Shane was quite unhappy about the whole situation, but there was nothing he could do about it. For the next two years he was rather miserable living in the cramped apartment, going to a huge school where he didn't know anyone... and it was quite evident, even though he couldn't complain about it. His expressions were always easy to read, and his parent knew that he just wasn't happy there. Not wanting to force him to be miserable, they moved again... this time to Pinewood.

After being there for 6 months, he informed his parents that he had found the horse he wanted. A green mustang colt, three years old... very little ground manners, and literally no training. They were skeptical at first, but he was insistent, and they caved to his convincing. For the next 6 months, Shane spent the majority of his time out in the pasture, when he wasn't in school. It didn't take long for the horse to get attached to him, as was expected, and by the time he was 18, he could hop up on the horse bareback and ride him around at a walk. He has just started with the tack and all that, but is quite confident that it won't be long before the colt will be the model pleasure horse.
This Is Who I am Live and let live.

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» This Heart It Beats;

I Lust heterosexual
I Love people who understand
I Loathe high and mighty women
Maybe I loved n/a
Maybe I Didnt n/a

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» This Is How We'll Dance;

I Bow Down dude
I Am Awesome
If ever there was an example of human perfection, strong, open minded, intelligent, good looking, caring, tender... everything that everyone dreams of finding in a man... Justin Novak was anything but. His whole life had started out on the wrong foot, and somehow he never seemed able to turn it around for the better. Abused as a child, he never knew what being loved felt like, except in the form that came from his brother who was about 15 years older than him. He didn't understand his parents hate for him... and even now he still didn't. He hadn't ever done anything wrong to earn their hate of him. He ran away more times than he could remember, but still, like a lost dog, he always came home again, simply because he didn't know where else he could go, and it was instinct to return there when the world didn't show him anything better or any way out of his pain.

At 17, his brother died in a car accident, and with him, also died any hope Justin had of a normal life. Completely torn by his brother's death, Justin turned to the only thing he knew would always be there... alcohol. Even when people tried to ban the substance, people smuggled it in... no matter what, there would always be alcohol, and it seemed to do a pretty good job of deadening the pain... at least temporarily. It was only a few days after his brother's death that Justin ended up in bed with a girl he didn't know who, in a less permanent sort of way, had just lost her brother as well. Oddly enough, both brothers who were now gone from their siblings lives had the name Jacob. Though neither knew the other's story or anything about each other at all. By the time Justin finally came to, the girl was gone, and he thought nothing of it... at least at the time.

When she told him she was pregnant with his baby Justin was terrified... but he had learned a long time ago that fear was a weakness, and it earned you nothing but more pain, so he hid the fear... the terror... and deliberately gave off the typical criminal/street trash vibe of a complete jackass. He was so socially crippled by this point in his life that he didn't know how else to react. He used to be a nice guy that everybody loved... even though he'd been going through more pain at home than most people could imagine... and it was all because Jacob had been there encouraging him, telling him that it would get better. Once Jacob was gone, once that voice was no longer there telling him to keep on going... he stopped believing in the intrinsic "good" of mankind, and when he stopped believing in the good of men, he stopped believing in himself.

He was afraid of having a child of his own... afraid that he would be just like his parents had been, afraid that he wouldn't be able to provide for the child, afraid that the child would end up hating him, the same way he had ended up hating his parents. He thought he was doing what was best for all of them by staying out of their lives... unfortunately for him, only a short time later he started regretting that decision, and realized that he would rather try to be a good parent and fail than to just not try at all. By that point though, he had screwed everything up so much, that it wasn't long before he found himself the not so proud owner of three bullet wounds, inflicted by weapons of the law, and became the resident of a prison cell. Somehow though he still hoped that he could see his baby... just see him. He knew he would never be able to be in the child's life, but he at least wanted to know what his son looked like.

Upon his release a year later, he asked about the child, and was informed that he was denied visitation, and "just to be safe, and to ensure that he wouldn't try to establish contact for the well being of mother and child" a no contact restraining order had been filed against him. The punishment for violating said restraining order was straight back to prison. Justin couldn't explain the pain that had caused him. Did they really think he would hurt his own child and the girl who had carried that baby? He would never even consider hurting either one of them... but no one seemed to believe that. So humankind had failed yet again at proving to Justin that there was some hope out there for him, and pushed him further into the lifestyle of a criminal... after all, if no one believed he could change, what was the point in trying?

Another year passed, and Justin stayed true to the restraining order, in no way attempting to establish contact with his little boy... even though he was dying to hold his child in his arms. But about two months after the baby's two year old birthday passed, he couldn't stand not knowing anymore, and went to the Morris household. Her dad was the one who answered the door, and even though it was quite obvious that Justin had no bad intentions with coming there, as was made clear by his unwillingness to make eye contact with the man, and his simple request to just see a picture of the baby... he wouldn't grant Justin that request, and called the police. Knowing better than to try to run, Justin just stayed there until the cops came, and let them take him away. Maybe he was better off in prison... there were fewer people he could hurt there.

At his trial about a month after his arrest, the judge asked him why he had knowingly violated the restraining order which he knew would send him back to prison. With more sincerity than he had ever spoken with before, Justin responded saying I went two years, one month, five days, eight hours, and 23 minutes without knowing even so much as what my son looked like... that's all I wanted, just to know what he looked like. When he said those words, fighting back the tears that threatened to boil over, almost choking on the lump that had formed in his throat, a sudden hush fell over the courtroom. It was as if people realized that he wasn't really some sort of monster... that he really had a heart... that he felt pain just like every other human out there. After his statement had been made, he was escorted out of the courtroom and back to his prison cell to await his verdict.

When they told Justin that the restraining order had been dropped and he could now establish contact... on the mother's terms... it was almost more than Justin could handle. In all his life, this was the one thing that had happened to him that he could honestly say was a good thing... the only time in his life that he had ever felt like he actually had worth. It was a miracle he managed to restrain the tears. He had to wait a few days before he heard from Alessandra when she told him where and when to meet her and his son, whom she informed him was named Justin Jr. or JJ for short. Why she would have named her child after the man she denied the right to see was beyond him... but it really did mean something to her. He tried to thank her, but somehow the words just wouldn't form right, and he ended up just saying that he would see her there, rather than stumbling over what he was trying to say.

The day before he was to meet her, he had a fight... which he was slightly worried about. He was going to have to get his man down and out quickly to avoid any injury which Alessandra might be able to see. He had just barely managed to escape without visible injury, but unfortunately for him, he wasn't going to end the night that way. On his way "home" he ran into a few people that he'd pissed off, and they ended up not only beating the shit out of him, but also shooting him in the arm and stabbing him in the ribs. He would have died there in the street too... but he was lucky enough to be found by someone who couldn't help but give aid to people who were hurt. She took him to one of the more upscale homes in Pismo Beach where she did her best to take care of him. Needless to say, in the process of removing the bullet there was a lot of pain and a lot of cursing, but she managed to get him fixed up well enough.

The next morning everyone was trying to convince him to stay for a while so that he could heal properly and wouldn't break the wounds open again, but Justin wasn't about to take them up on the offer. He kept telling them he couldn't, but they kept insisting that he stay, until finally he told them that he had a son who he had been barred from seeing for two years and today was his first chance to see him. None of them were expecting Justin to say he was a dad... or to be caring enough to be so eager to see his child, but after that no one protested his leaving... except Dannie who insisted that she go with him to make sure he didn't start bleeding again, which was highly probably considering how active Justin was in his every day life. Not wanting to be late though, Justin just gave up on arguing... Dannie was impossible, and one of the few people he'd ever lost an argument to... partly because he couldn't very well hit a girl, and partially because she was just so damn stubborn.

So he set out, Dannie in tow, doing his best to not seem overly enthusiastic about this so he wouldn't seem any less... tough... than he wanted to. When he got to the park though, for the first time in his life, nerves started getting to him. What if Alessandra saw all the bruises and whatnot and decided she didn't want JJ to be around someone as "violent" as Justin? What if JJ didn't like him? What if he wasn't cut out to be a dad? So many questions started weighing on his mind, and it took a hell of a lot of will power to keep his hands from shaking as they drew nearer to the spot where they were supposed to meet. This was going to be one of the defining moments in his life... and he desperately didn't want to ruin this one chance he had at doing something right. Though he didn't notice, and Dannie probably did, his pace started slowing as they got closer to the meeting place.

When finally he saw the little boy playing with a toy car in the grass, he stopped, and stood frozen in place. He didn't even see Alessandra not too far from him. All he saw was the little boy that he had created. He completely forgot that Dannie was even there, and he seemed completely incapable of moving. He didn't know what to do or what to say. He didn't know what to think... hell in that moment he didn't know anything. He just stood there, about 15 feet away from the child and his mother, his normally cold eyes softened, his normally rigid posture relaxed. Everything he had known seemed to end the moment he set eyes on the little boy that he had created. This was the moment he had been waiting for since he found out that she was pregnant... this was the moment that could change everything that had gone bad and make it good. That was his baby sitting in the grass... that was his chance at a better life.

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Thanks Isa for helping =]