Post by Phoenix Zima on Sept 29, 2009 23:07:35 GMT -5
NIXY! STOLE YOUR HEART;
They call me JESS and I've shot for the moon ALMOST 20 times.
You know you all love me and you can contact me via a ghost whisperer.
Ktxbi.
They call me JESS and I've shot for the moon ALMOST 20 times.
You know you all love me and you can contact me via a ghost whisperer.
Ktxbi.
» There Goes my Hero;
THe birth certificate reads Phoenix Ansley Zima
But Everyone Calls Me Nixy, or Phe Phe (on pain of death)
Ive Been Breaking Hearts for 19 years
The say I Am an aspiring Olympic rider
Ive Been Told I Look Like Hilary Rhoda
» Rock and Roll, Baby.;
I am so tall 5'11"
And I Weigh 127
Ive Bee Ninked And Pierced n/a
They always say I look like Phoenix is definitely not your blend into the crowd kind of girl. Everything about her just stands out and draws attention to her. She's built like a model, tall and slender, with plenty of curves which she knows all too well how to use to her advantage. From the way she walks to the way she talks, every slight movement has some intention to it, and usually its either to piss you off or to seduce a hott guy.
She's fairly tall at 5'8" but still quite thin. Her hair is a deep black, and her eyes are a brilliant blue. Her skin is relatively pale, but it only adds to her complexion. She can pull off just about any expression and has a still unequaled look of death reserved only for those who she truly despises. Despite being so thin, she is one of those girls who is perfectly toned and fairly well muscled, but in a sexy way... she's no body builder. Her dress tends to be the sort that will attract attention to her body. Tight fitting... though definitely not skinny jeans... pants Low cut necklines and skin tight shirts. Even her practice riding gear is slightly more snug on her than most riders would prefer to wear it, just so she can catch more male eyes.
This Is What Makes Me Stand Out eyes
» Chances Taken, Hope Embraced;
I Adore
Horses
Dressage
Stadium Jumping
Cross Country
Boys
Drinking
I Abhor
bad breath
western riding
being called phe phe
losing
I Rock
being untouchable
hiding from the truth
English eventing
I Suck
at being sympathetic
being nice
making friends
I Do
paces before a show
gets overly competitive
I Want
to get to the Olympics
I Fear Losing her horse
I Shut up was adopted at five years old, and hates her adopted family
I am To sum it all up for you, Phoenix is a very competitive bitch. It doesn't get much more simple than that, but that's really all there is to say about it. She always knows just exactly what she wants and just exactly how to get it, and she's one of those people who's into the "ends justifies the means" deal, so she doesn't care how long it takes her or what she has to do, she'll do whatever she has to do to get what she wants. Of course, that would get her into a lot of trouble if she wasn't so difficult to reprimand. She never takes it seriously when someone is chastising her, and she mostly just does it because she knows it makes them mad. She definitely enjoys irritating people, and she's incredibly good at it.
As far as the competitiveness goes, she's definitely at the top. She hates not winning with a passion, and so takes extreme care in perfecting everything. She works just about every waking hour with her two horses, and never ever quits. She never gives up on anything, and will work on it almost constantly until she has got it down to a T. Riding is her life, and she fights for everything she wants. Because she's almost never been handed anything in her life she has a good work ethic, and absolutely hates asking people for help. She has devoted every aspect of her life to eventing, and it really has paid off.
All things considered, she's a quite elegant person. She only rides Friesians because she likes how they move and because they look more elegant and imposing than most horses. She enjoys being the center of attention and will do whatever she has to do to attract that attention to herself. When she rides she almost always listens to music at the same time to keep her in the mood and focused. Overall she's a bitch to most people, but if you're her friend then in general her bitchiness is only in jest.
» I Know I Won't Be Home At All;
I Came From
Sean Heckler- dad -unknown
Barbara Heckler- mom- unknown
I Share My Dna With N/A
I Come From Orange County
But I Live Here Now Pinewood West Virginia
This Is Who I was Phoenix's parents thought they had a sense of humor when they named her Phoenix Ansley Zima because of the Phoenix A.Z. that could be made of her name... and although she was bitter towards them for making her name a joke of sorts, it really added to her personality. Even as a little girl she was a huge brat, and it seemed like people were always mad at her. She didn't really have any friends because she was such a bitch towards everyone. When she was three years old her mom died from pneumonia, and her dad put her up for adoption because he couldn't handle being a single dad and working full time as an investor constantly going overseas.
She was in and out of foster homes for a year since no one wanted to put up with such a brat. At five she was finally officially adopted into a family... and she hated them... but she seemed to hate everyone, so no one thought much of it. It wasn't all horrible though, she finally met someone who, surprisingly, was sort of like her. Of course, he mostly only came off as stuck up, but in her opinion he was jut as much of a jackass as she was a bitch. Anyway, he was very much into riding and had been doing it pretty much for forever, and he started getting her into it, and for the first time in her life, Phoenix had a friend. For her tenth birthday, her dad... who still was a little bit in her life... gave her a gorgeous... and extremely expensive... friesian gelding named Black Ice, and she fell in love with him.
The horse was already quite well trained, but since Phoenix had essentially no riding experience, aside from an occasional trail ride on one of Parker's horses, she had a lot of learning to do. Of course, her adopted family wasn't really well off, and wouldn't pay for lessons for her, so instead she started getting books and watching videos about English riding, and trained herself from the ground up. She was awfully small for the 16 hand black horse she was riding, but she was growing fast, and was bound to be tall, so she would grow into the horse. Because Ice was so well trained, he treated her well, and learning the ins and outs was fairly easy with him, and a bit of help from Parker.
She rode in her first three day show when she was 13, and all things considered did quite well... but she didn't win. That ticked her off, and she instantly set to work perfecting everything they'd done wrong until she could do it all faultlessly. After that she started moving up in the eventing world quite quickly, and before long was one of the ones to beat. She and Ice were just about the perfect pair... but of course she knew she could do better, and kept working on everything. Once Ice became sort of a push-button horse for her, she decided that she wanted a challenge to balance herself out, and for her 16th birthday asked her dad for a second horse, which she had picked out herself.
He was only a three year old, but he was big, and still growing. He would level out at about 17 hands, and he was about the most magnificent horse she'd ever seen. Of course she got the horse... she always got whatever she wanted... and started working with him. He was a natural at everything, but he, quite like Phoenix, was a brat, and even though he could do it, he would deliberately do things wrong. By the time he was a six year old and Phoenix was 19, he was starting to behave himself more, and complying to what she wanted him to do. Between Ice and Prince Caspian, she was quickly rising to local fame, and no one doubted that she was going to go far with her riding.
This Is Who I am Life's a bitch, so be a bigger one and you'll come out on top.
» This Heart It Beats;
I Lust Straight
I Love Tall dark and handsome
I Loathe facial only flings and one night stands
Maybe I Didnt N/A
» This Is How We'll Dance;
I Bow Down dude
I Am Awesome Loss... everyone knows the meaning of it and has in some way experienced it. Whether they have lost a parent or an earring, a dog or a baby... everyone has gone through the loss of something. Most often it is the trivial things that people lost that really didn't mean much to them, but there would come a time in their life when they would experience the true pain of losing something that meant the world to them... of feeling so along without that thing that they just want to kill themselves and end the agony with which they suffer under the burden they are forced to carry.
Perhaps there was no one alive who better understood the meaning of loss than Tyler Haze. It seemed there was nothing in this life that he could lose now because he had lost very nearly everything he had. Aside from the clothes on his back and his own life, he had nothing, and was really living without meaning. No, I'm not talking about money... Tyler never had enough of it to consider losing it to be a real loss. I'm not talking about something valuable... and I'm certainly not talking about all those other meaningless trifles that people try to fill their lives with in order to give themselves meaning.
Tyler had lost more than he ever cared to think about, but as fortune would have it, that was the only thing that had occupied his mind the past few months long and torturous. Any direction he turned, at any point in his life he examined, there was loss staring him down, bold and foreboding, only further hammering all his failures into his mind and leading him further and further down the road to self-destruction. Twice now in the past year and a few months, he had dared to allow himself to believe that maybe he could survive, that maybe there was more to life than just the bitter haunting of the mistakes you had made in the past which he seemed incapable of freeing himself from... and twice his heart had been smashed onto the rocks into a million tiny little pieces.
He was anything but a stable individual, and everyone knew it. anything at any given moment could set him off and he would sink down to a level most people didn't know existed. He was a train wreck of emotions, and it seemed like it would be impossible to put this train back on its tracks. There was only one thing that could fix him, and unfortunately, that one thing was probably never going to be his again... and that one thing was love... he had loved and lost twice, and now he had convinced himself that it would never happen again. Besides, why would someone want to love him? He was just as worthless as a blade of grass, no one would want him in their life.
The first thing Tyler had lost in his life was that child like innocent love of his parents. They were abusive and always screaming at him for things he hadn't done. He didn't understand why they seemed to hate him so much, he was much too young, but all he knew was that trying to love them became harder and harder every time they hurt him, every time they screamed at him in anger for reasons he didn't understand, until finally he just completely gave up. He was probably about eight years old when he gave up trying to love them, but he didn't know what to do about them hurting him. Sure, he could leave, but where would he go? If his parents didn't care about him, why would some stranger? He knew he couldn't take care of himself yet... he'd freeze to death in the winter for lack of shelter.
The next thing he'd lost was his innocence. No, I'm not talking about the "V-Card" although he did lose that at a very young age... the thing I'm talking about is his innocence from the world of hate. His dad had flown at him in a rage, and Tyler being denied the option of flight took to the only other instinct he had... though at the time he didn't know it. Without thinking, or even realizing what he was doing, Tyler struck out, his fist connecting with the side of his dad's head and knocking the drunk man the the ground. Before he even knew what he was doing, he had maneuvered around his dad lying on the floor and was out into the night, making his way away from home.
He had been only 15 at the time, but when he discovered that he could fight back... that he didn't always have to take it, that was when he discovered hate. He hated his parents for what they did to him, for what they put him through, and he wasn't just going to lie down and let them beat him anymore. After that, fights became more and more regular, his parents started coming after him more often to "punish him" for fighting back or God knows what else they could blame him for. The more he fought though, the more he discovered that he was good at it, and the better he got at it, the more of a thrill it gave him, and as it gave him more of a thrill, he started wanting to do it outside of his home... that that was when he went down the wrong road and got mixed up with the wrong people.
At 17 he experienced his next loss. His older brother Jacob was killed in a car accident while he was on his way to pick Tyler up after he'd gone and gotten himself drunk at some party and couldn't call his parents so called Jacob. As Jake died in Tyler's arms, Tyler not only lost his older brother and the rock on which his remaining stability had been built, but he also lost a piece of himself. All his life Jacob had been the one who had kept him going, who had tried time and time again to set him on the right track. All his life, Jacob had been the only one who had ever loved Tyler and expressed it... and now that he was gone... Tyler had nothing left. He had no one to steer him in the right direction, he had no one to encourage him, and he had no one to tell him they loved him. Without his brother, Tyler had nothing.
Shortly after Jacob's death, Tyler was shot and arrested after the gang he was in abandoned him to the police when a bank robbery went south. Being only a few months away from 18, he was tried as an adult, and convicted of five years in maximum security prison. Of course, he managed to get a four years taken off his sentence by giving up the names of the others who had been involved in the crime. One year for each name he forked over, but with one year mandatory prison time and one year mandatory probation. Tyler was pissed enough at the guys who he'd been in the gang with that he would have given the police all their names and locations for free... but getting a few years off his sentence for it was fine by him.
Being only 17 and in a full scale prison was hard... and he took quite a lot of abuse from the other inmates. For a while he just took it, the same way he had taken it from his parents... letting them push him around, hoping that it would get better with time, but with time, he came to the same realization he had before... the only way to make the pain stop was to force them to, and that was when he lost his reputation as "just a kid" among all the other inmates and earned some respect. He was just barely 18 when it happened for the first time. They came after him again, but rather than just let them take all their frustrations out on him, Tyler fought back, and although he didn't come out on top the first time, people were impressed he had the guts to fight.
It happened less frequently after that day, but he was still the youngest there, and they were still taking it out on him. When he took some guy out, the other inmates really started to respect him, and by the time he was finally released, he had earned himself a rather high status among the prisoners, something that most 18 year olds would never be able to accomplish in a crowd as rough as the maximum security prisoners. Of course, it was a prestigious thing in prison, but in the outside world, his fighting did nothing for him and only got him deeper and deeper into trouble... and with that trouble came a lower and lower standard, and before long... Tyler Haze was a regular "man whore."
At 19, Tyler happened to run into one of many one night stands... only this time it was different, she was pregnant. Despite everything he had been through, somewhere deep down the good Tyler was still there, and somehow this girl brought it out in him. Alessandra Ambrosio... she was everything that every guy would want to have. She was beautiful, smart, caring... and loving. It had been a long time since Tyler had felt loved, but when he was with Alessandra, he knew that she didn't care about what he'd done or his criminal record, she didn't care that he'd never done a decent thing in his life... she just cared about him and who he was now... and that was something that Tyler could never put a price on.
Unfortunately, with everything he gained, he lost something... and with this, he was going to lose more than he ever even thought he had. When he walked into that hospital room and saw her lying there pale and nearly lifeless, he just broke down. It was like a repeat of last time... only this time, the one dying meant even more to him than anything else in the world. He pleaded with her to stay there with him and to hold on, but it was all in vain, and he could feel her life slipping further and further out of his hands as he knelt beside the bed in panic and tears. This was so hard for him... but he was helpless to change anything.
She told him she loved him and to look after their baby, and then was gone, leaving Tyler broken and destroyed yet again. The moment her life left her, Tyler started sinking, and there was no one left to pull him up again. He refused custody of his daughter, the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life, but he was afraid that if he took her, she would end up just like the only other two people he had ever loved... dead. From there he hit rock bottom and kept right on digging. He was arrested and put on suicide watch when he refused to say a word to anyone, and seemed hardly able to find the will power to get up everyday.
It was Alex Chasse who had saved him... she came to the jail where Tyler was being held, and brought with her his baby girl, named after her mother, Alessandra. She forced him to stand and look her in the eye, then pushed the baby into his arms, causing him to break down completely. He pleaded with Alex to take the baby back until she did so, and then he sunk down onto the chair there, tears falling freely, unable to hide the emotions anymore. He had loved Alessandra, and she had given his life meaning... when she died, she took that meaning with her, and left him standing there empty handed and hurting.
After Tyler was released from jail again, he met someone... Vivian Kings... and by some miracle fell in love again. It was far from easy, and he screwed up a lot, but she always forgave him... well, up until his last mistake. His parole was nearly up, but he'd had an awful awful day... it was one year since the day he met Alessandra at the stable, and everything seemed to be going wrong... so naturally, he did what any "recovering" alcoholic would do.. he convinced himself that he would have only one drink... but one turned out to be more than he could remember, and he had ended up completely drunk and in bed with some woman he didn't know.
When Vivian walked in and found him passed out in the arms of another woman, she was beyond hurt, and did what any girl in her situation would do... leave him. Unfortunately, Tyler had no idea what had happened that night. The girl had been gone when he'd come around, and he had no recollection of the night before. So it was nearly a week later when he saw Vivian at the club and she told him what had happened... just after that, Sebastian, Vivian's older brother came around to start yet another fight with Tyler... though it was more of Sebastian beating Tyler than a fight between the two of them.
Somehow or another, Sebastian had ended up with a knife in his gut... and naturally, since Tyler was a knife fighter, everyone assumed he'd done it... and everyone was then more than pissed at him. The fight ended with Tyler unconscious and thrown out into an alley while Vivian went to the hospital with Sebastian. It took some time, but Tyler finally dared to show his face at the stable, and when he did... he regretted it. He'd run into Vivian, and she had quite angrily shoved the promise ring he'd given her into his hands, then whipped around and wrapped her arms around the neck of another man and kissed him passionately.
Tyler was shocked... hurt... and heartbroken. Losing her had been hard enough, he couldn't describe the pain he'd gone through knowing that she hated him... but seeing her give back the thing that represented his love for her, then turn around and kiss another man like he'd never meant anything to her at all... that killed him... that hurt more than anything he'd ever experienced in his life. It hurt more than his parents hate, it hurt more than Jacob's death... it hurt more than losing Alessandra... it destroyed him. Since that day he hadn't been sober for more than ten minutes. He was trying to drown the pain in the alcohol... or at least dull it... and somewhere deep down he was hoping that it would kill him so that everything would stop hurting.
But then came today... one year since Alessandra died. Normally he would have gone and gotten himself wasted... but he couldn't... not today. He knew Alessandra would be ashamed of him for everything he had done, and he felt like getting drunk today would be disrespecting of her. He still wasn't completely over her death, and now with Vivian leaving him, he was even worse off than before. He'd spent most of the past 24 hours in the graveyard, staring blankly at the grave marker with her name written on it, with tears rolling freely down his face, and a whispered "I'm sorry" coming from his lips every so often.
He could only handle being there in the graveyard for so long though, and started walking. He had no notion of the time, he didn't even notice the cold fog or the darkness... right now, he just wasn't all there. Before too long, he found himself beside a white cross on the side of the highway, the place where Alessandra had been killed. He stood some distance from it, as if afraid that if he went too close he would be treading on quicksand. He wasn't sure how long he stood there in silence, just looking at the cross, all the pain and heartache of his life written clearly across his face. He was only 20 years old, but already he had lost everything that mattered to him.
All of a sudden, it was as if he was broken from some sort of trance at the sound of a pain filled scream. It wasn't the sort of pain one would expect though... it wasn't a physical sort of pain... it was emotional pain... pent up anger... it was everything Tyler was feeling being expressed in the voice of someone else. He couldn't see who it was, thanks to the fog, but he knew they were close. Perhaps because of curiosity, and perhaps because he knew all to well what this person was feeling, he made his way slowly and cautiously towards the voice, almost afraid of who he might see once he got there.
It took him a few moments to see her, but when he did, he stopped and stood frozen for a moment. Alex. She was the only person who Tyler had met here who he had always seen as the strongest person in the world... and there she was on the ground, hurting and broken... just like he was. For a moment he stood there in silence, unsure of what to do, then resumed moving towards her until he stood beside her. They were both hurting because of the same thing... they had lost something that was more important to them than their own life, and even a year later it still dug down into their hearts in excruciating pain.
He wasn't really sure why he was doing what he was doing... but he knelt down beside her, and very carefully put his strong arms around her without so much as a word. There was nothing to say... Alex had said it all in her scream of frustration and grief. Tyler had never been much good at expressing himself, and that was why he got into trouble as often as he did. He didn't know how to talk to people about the things that were bothering him. All his life he'd just kept it to himself, knowing he would be better off... and now he didn't know how to talk about it, so he always went out and got himself drunk instead, and that always ruined everything for him. Now here they were, Pinewood's most wanted and Pinewood's most in control... both hurting, both lost... death was a cruel thing indeed.
Thanks Isa for helping =]
