Post by torres on Feb 28, 2009 2:29:39 GMT -5
As soon as I finish this sentence I'm going to start rambling on about the first thought that pops into my head until I have so exhausted the banks of knowledge stored up in my mind that I can no longer function like a normal human being, at which point most of you will probably either have laughed your asses off at the pure insanity of the mind of Jess, or else died with knowledge overload, then I will explain my absence, but make sure you read the whole thing for kicks and giggles, kay?
Skunks. Don't ask why that is the first thought that entered my mind, I cannot answer that question. Anyway, skunks are a lot like cats, only meaner, longer hair, and of course... the disgusting smell. One time, I was driving home from the drive in movie, and yes, I was the driver, and had just dropped off one of my lil bro's friends, and we were driving down the road, and BAM!!! we hit a skunk... now, we didn't smell anything... so my brother, being the retard that he is goes "I wonder if we hit it's "smelly sack"" and unrolls the window to find out. Instant disgusting and overwhelming stench wafted into the car and there was a chorus from the three other occupants of the car (me my sister and her crush at the time... asshole deserves to be shot) saying BRAD!!! in a "I can't believe you just did that!" way.
So then we dropped off the other guy and headed home... the stench of course following us all the way there. and of course it hung around on my car for about a week... that wasn't so great.
Anyway... there's an urban legend running around like a cat with it's tail on fire, that if you hold a skunk by it's tail it will be unable to spray. False I tell you false! Don't try it, because it has been done before. No, not by me, I'm not that stupid... but this one vet tried it one time, and let me tell you now it didn't end well at all.
Next up... my dog. He's stupid, long and short of it. So there's this skunk in our back yard, and he runs over and starts bunting it with his nose right in the butt. Up goes the tail and BAM!!! right between the eyes, that's gotta hurt. Then he wouldn't even come to the house because he was embarrassed. We had to do that nasty wash stuff like 5 times before it came out.
Speaking of which, DO NOT EVER USE KETCHUP TO ATTEMPT REMOVING SKUNK ODOR FROM YOUR DOG!! My old dog murphy got skunked and we tried ketchup... it almost made me sick, then he smelled like skunks in a tomato garden for a whole freaking week. It was grooooooooossssss let me tell you that. So yeah... if you want to remove skunk odor, look up the peroxide/baking soda/dish soap recipe, it works like magic after a few washes.
And I know I didn't really complete the whole knowledge thing, but I stayed up til 2 am yesterday, then got up at like 8, then went to work, then went to dinner, then came home, and it's not 12:22 and I'm exhausted and I have to get up at 7:00 tomorrow to go on a two hour drive down to the big-er city with my gang, then we're going to hang out, then we have to drive back, then I have to get up at like 8:00 on Sunday to go walk dogs at the clinic, then I have to study my brains out for an anatomy test om Monday...so yes, I am dying... but don't worry... I won't die, because dying is illegal, and we all know that aside from my frequent bar fights... illegal immigration over to Canada to visit my woman (aka smurf) while her husband is gone...and possibly other things that I won't mention for fear of incriminating myself. So I will see you all on Saturday night or on Sunday depending on the level of exhaustion after my trip ta ta for now.
Skunks. Don't ask why that is the first thought that entered my mind, I cannot answer that question. Anyway, skunks are a lot like cats, only meaner, longer hair, and of course... the disgusting smell. One time, I was driving home from the drive in movie, and yes, I was the driver, and had just dropped off one of my lil bro's friends, and we were driving down the road, and BAM!!! we hit a skunk... now, we didn't smell anything... so my brother, being the retard that he is goes "I wonder if we hit it's "smelly sack"" and unrolls the window to find out. Instant disgusting and overwhelming stench wafted into the car and there was a chorus from the three other occupants of the car (me my sister and her crush at the time... asshole deserves to be shot) saying BRAD!!! in a "I can't believe you just did that!" way.
So then we dropped off the other guy and headed home... the stench of course following us all the way there. and of course it hung around on my car for about a week... that wasn't so great.
Anyway... there's an urban legend running around like a cat with it's tail on fire, that if you hold a skunk by it's tail it will be unable to spray. False I tell you false! Don't try it, because it has been done before. No, not by me, I'm not that stupid... but this one vet tried it one time, and let me tell you now it didn't end well at all.
Next up... my dog. He's stupid, long and short of it. So there's this skunk in our back yard, and he runs over and starts bunting it with his nose right in the butt. Up goes the tail and BAM!!! right between the eyes, that's gotta hurt. Then he wouldn't even come to the house because he was embarrassed. We had to do that nasty wash stuff like 5 times before it came out.
Speaking of which, DO NOT EVER USE KETCHUP TO ATTEMPT REMOVING SKUNK ODOR FROM YOUR DOG!! My old dog murphy got skunked and we tried ketchup... it almost made me sick, then he smelled like skunks in a tomato garden for a whole freaking week. It was grooooooooossssss let me tell you that. So yeah... if you want to remove skunk odor, look up the peroxide/baking soda/dish soap recipe, it works like magic after a few washes.
And I know I didn't really complete the whole knowledge thing, but I stayed up til 2 am yesterday, then got up at like 8, then went to work, then went to dinner, then came home, and it's not 12:22 and I'm exhausted and I have to get up at 7:00 tomorrow to go on a two hour drive down to the big-er city with my gang, then we're going to hang out, then we have to drive back, then I have to get up at like 8:00 on Sunday to go walk dogs at the clinic, then I have to study my brains out for an anatomy test om Monday...so yes, I am dying... but don't worry... I won't die, because dying is illegal, and we all know that aside from my frequent bar fights... illegal immigration over to Canada to visit my woman (aka smurf) while her husband is gone...and possibly other things that I won't mention for fear of incriminating myself. So I will see you all on Saturday night or on Sunday depending on the level of exhaustion after my trip ta ta for now.