You shall not be forgotten

[Vivian Kings]

Alex
[shadow=black,left,300]Alessandra[/shadow]

In Loving memory of my best friend.
Alessandra, you did spread you wings
and flew to a better place. You will be
missed I will always remember
and love you.

How wrong was it that this perfect summer day was mocking the event that was about to take place? The sun was shining making it nice and warm and there was a slight breeze blowing through the trees. The flowers were blooming, the grass was green, and the trees were blossoming. It was one of those days that made you want to run around in a summer dress bare foot on the grass. The one that in most cases you just smiled because it brought a warm feeling upon you. It was a day to go swim in the local watering hole. Or just spend with you closest friends running around some place just being free. It was one of those days that made you feel like you could fly. And escape everything. It naturally brought happiness. Except for those who lived in Pinewood, West Virginia.

Alex stood leaning against the rail on her balcony. She was just wearing her rob and bare feet. She looked out over the yard and let out a sigh. She was on of those who lived in Pinewood. It was not a happy day at all. She gripped the hand rail so tight her knuckles were white. Tears streamed down her face. What could make this beautiful young lady cry on such a gorgeous day, you might ask. Just a few days prior, her best friend was killed in a car accident. She gasped for breath as she stared down. She tried to gain control of her emotion but she couldn’t seem to tie it down. She couldn’t shove it down and hide it like she always did. She started to get frustrated with herself. Never before had she had problems controlling her emotions and burying them deep down. But now, they all seemed to spill over showing everyone that she was a complete wreak. Fortunately for her she was alone on her balcony. And there was no one with in hearing distance.

She pried her hands off the rail and shoved the tears angrily off her face. The denial stage. Not that she was denying Keke’s death that she was well aware of. She was denying her emotions. She would fake her strength like she had always done in her life. Just like she had done when her father punished her for being weak. That was how she was raised. If you showed your feelings you were rebuked. If you showed any want for compassion you were told to toughen up. When you were hurting inside or out you were told to stand up and stop messing around. In her family there was no compassion for anyone. Not even to their only daughter. Alex was made to hide her true feelings deep inside and that’s just what she did. She clenched her jaw and eyes shut as she turned and walked inside the house.

Her feet stepped over the soft carpet of her room smoothing and the rough grooves that had formed from standing on the concrete of the balcony. That’s what she needed. She needed to be washed clean. To be rinsed of this stain that had been left on her. But no matter how many times she stood under the flow of water from her shower head it didn’t seem to go away. It was always there haunting her. Telling her “It will rest on your shoulders from now on.” But she knew she couldn’t have changed things. She couldn’t have stopped the flow that nature had intended. It was meant to be this way. And no matter what she did eventually this day would come. She tried to realize this but despite all of her attempts it stayed the same. She blamed herself for the whole thing. She never mentioned that to anyone, not even Anthony, but she really did. There was never a moment she didn’t think “If you would have just come home early, If you just would have stayed with her.” Everything in her body told her to stay home that day. And did she listen no she insisted to herself those three horses needed her attention they needed there breakfast and exercise. So she left that morning. And her last words to Alessandra were. ”I’ll see you later. Don’t explode while I’m gone.”

It was so wrong on so many levels. She was so young. She didn’t even get to say goodbye to her children or be the first to hold them. Or hold them at all for that matter. This should not have happened. Alex would have gladly taken her place if she could. She would have given up her life if it meant Alessandra could see her babies for the first time. It killed her to look at that baby girl and know she will never ever get the chance to truly know who her mother was and what a blessing she was to this world. It wasn’t fair. But life wasn’t fair. But this wasn’t life this was death. Death wasn’t fair at all it constantly stole life from everyone around you. It took what you didn’t want it to have. And in more cases then none it took without warning. And poof it was gone without a trace… never to return to that being.

They say whenever one life passes another was born. But was this what it really meant. Were children supposed to be born in the same day that their mother passed? No that wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Every time she held that baby girl she reminded her of her mother. She had her mothers gorgeous looks and her fathers strength… his strong will. But she was so beautiful… just like her mother. And it hurt to just look at her. Sometimes she had to have Anthony hold her because she couldn’t take it. Course she always made up some excuse as to why. But the reason was simply that. It hurt too much. She reminded her so much of Alessandra… This was why they named her after her mom.

She took a deep breath as she walked into the bathroom. She had already taken a shower and did her hair now she just needed to put make up on and get dressed and she would be read to go. She stared at he tear smudged face in the mirror and gulped down hard. Was it supposed to hurt so much? Was it supposed to be this hard? She wasn’t expecting it to be like this. Though in these cases you couldn’t really predict what it was going to be like or how hard it was going to hit you. It seemed like the waves just kept coming. Like in a storm on the sea you got hit by a wave and just when you get a breath another one comes and washes over you. You never knew when it was safe. But at the end of ever storm came the rainbow along with that promise in that was made when the rainbow was first brought to this world. And then sun would shine letting in the hope that everything would be ok. But would it really? Could she really get up from this hit?

She started applying her makeup trying to stay focused and ignore the lump that was forming in her throat. One part at a time. Minutes seemed to drag on forever. But before to long she finished. She pulled away from the mirror and checked her reflection. Nearly flawless. But that didn’t matter to her. Her hair didn’t matter, her face didn’t matter, what she wore didn’t matter, none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was the pain. The pain of losing a best friend. The pain of knowing it was all over. The pain of heart ache that won’t go away. The pain that tugged at the tears that welled up in her eyes. All the pain was all that mattered anymore. She clenched her eyes shut holding back the tears in anger. She didn’t want to cry anymore she wanted to be strong.

She walked into the closet and let her rob fall to the ground as she slipped that black dress on that no one wanted to put on for this event. She zipped it up and slipped her black heels on. She walked back to the mirror and stared at it for a while. But she say Alessandra staring at her from behind. She was smiling. Alex whipped her head around to see. But no one was there. She turned back to the mirror but Alessandra was gone. She wasn’t coming back….ever. The cold harsh reality was just that. Alessandra had left this world. Leaving the people who loved her behind, Lost and Heart broken. Devastated, torn apart, never to be the same again.

She walked hastily into the next room. The baby’s room. She put some diapers and the box of wipes into the diaper bag and threw it over her shoulder. Stopping at the top of the stairs, she took a deep breath. She had to be ready for this… no break downs she needed to be strong and get through this. She put a smile on her face and walked down the steps. Anthony had just finished putting Alessandra into the car seat. She opened the door and stood to the side. ”Lets go.” They got loaded into his truck and away they went. She smiled at him and then stared out the window as the trees blew by. She stayed silent the whole care trip oblivious to anything that might have been said. Her mind was spinning and she couldn’t think straight. But her outside appearance was just fine. She could cover up her pain pretty well. Sometimes she could fool even herself.

When they stopped at the church she couldn’t take it anymore. She slipped her shoes off as he put it in park and grabbed her shoes. As soon as he was stopped and locked, she opened the door and took off running for the trees. She needed time to think. To be able to get it all figured out. To clear her head. She slowed down and stopped in the middle of all the trees cherry trees to be exact… and in full bloom. She spun around watching with blurred eyes. But she held them back she had, had plenty of practice at that. She stopped and stared out into the distance. Remembering very clearly her childhood.

Alessandra and her had just got home from school and Alex’s neighbor had a huge grove as a yard. And they liked to play tag in it or hide n seek. They were running around and Alex was it they weaved through the trees and giggled like all little girls did. Sure they weren’t all that little I mean both well into their teens but it was still fun to them. ”Alessandra! Slow down!” She would call out. ”No way!” She would call back. Now Alessandra was already way taller then Alex but Alex was very fit from riding and could catch her nearly every time. Course she had tricks too. But them running through the trees was their way of escaping all pressure that was put on them by their families. They were all they had.

Alex shook her head violently. No, she didn’t want to remember that. She didn’t want to think of those days. It only brought back other things that she had tried so hard to forget. She was breathing hard and trying to slow it down to its regular pace. She finally pulled herself together without shedding a tear. She needed to think. As soon as she walked in there she was going to be needed. She needed to be an example to everyone. She needed to hold it together so everyone would be reassured. She also needed to think of what to say when the pastor asked her to say a few words. That was something you couldn’t just write on a piece of paper and memorize. It needed to be heart felt and real. It needed to be a meaningful speech. Not just one you knew you had to write so you did it. So she was going to say what felt right when she stood up there.

Slowly her body began to relax only to start shaking. But she started walking down the path toward the church. She slipped her shoes on and walked lazily there. She stared at the ground as she went grasping everything that had escaped her out there and pulling it all back in. When she looked back up she stood before the steps that lead to the church. She took a deep breath and walked up the stair and down the aisle to the front row where she saw Anthony sitting with the baby. She looked around seeing a bunch of faces… some that she didn’t know but the ones that stood out were Alessandra’s step brother Nathan. And a few others but the rest… they were just those posers who said they knew someone and tried to be sympathetic and what not. But they really didn’t know Alessandra they didn’t really care. She shook them all off and sat next to Anthony placing her hand in his for support. This wasn’t going to be easy.

[Tyler Haze]

Ever since Alessandra had died, things just hadn't been the same with Alex. She seemed so torn up by her death. It had only been a few days, but Anthony could see the difference. Ever since she'd died, he hadn't heard her laugh, he hadn't felt that passionate fire when he kissed her, he didn't see any of that bubbling little girl shining in Alex's eyes, she didn't notice things quite as much as before. She still loved him, he knew that much, there was no debating that fact, it just seemed like it was dampened down by the grief of losing her friend in that tragic accident that had left them all standing open mouthed and unsure of what to do.

Anthony didn't blame her though, if anything he pittied her. He knew what it was like...well, he was more on Tyler's side of this wreck, he knew what it was like to lose the person you loved to something like this. Many guys would have been scared off by this sudden change, and seeming lessening of love, but not Anthony. He wasn't ever leaving Alex, and he was going to support her through this whole thing. He was going to stand beside her and match her stride for stride through everything, there was no option there. The one thing people needed most when they lost someone they loved was someone to love them so much that the void would be filled as much as it could be.

She would never stop missing Alessandra, and it would probably make her cry from time to time up until the very end, but he was going to be there as a shoulder to cry on. He was going to help her through it all...especially with the baby. He had no idea how to take care of a baby, but it wasn't fair to Alex to have motherhood thrust upon her like that and then have to do it all on her own. No, Anthony's love for Alex was undying and he would do anything for her, including play whatever role in raising that child that he needed to play. No, he was not going to let himself become daddy to her, that was Tyler's job, even if right now he was refusing to accept that. But he of all people knew the importance of having someone always there, and if Tyler wouldn't step up to the plate, Anthony knew he would have to do it for him.

He didn't say much of anything to Alex today, he knew she needed her time to be alone. It was for that reason that he had intentionally risen before her to take care of the baby. When he woke up, he had Alex wrapped in his arms, just as it should have been. It was different today though. Today it seemed more like he was holding her to comfort her than because they had started out just cuddling and ended up falling asleep. He very carefully removed his arms from around her sleeping body so as to not wake her up, and rolled over slowly to the edge of the bed. Yeah, he'd never really even held a child this small before now, but he had common sense, he could figure it out. How hard could it be to take care of a newborn? They were so tiny, it couldn't be that hard. He was right. It really wasn't that hard. He got her up and fed, then changed, and she almost instantly went back to sleep. Easy enough. But he kept her close by anywhere he went to make sure Alex left her be. She needed time to let her emotions spill over, and she needed to be alone to do that, and not worrying about the baby.

When it came time to leave, he carried Alessandra out to the truck and strapped her into her car seat. When he turned around, Alex was coming out the door. He stepped silently to the passenger side door and pulled it open for her. When she was in, he moved around to his side and pulled himself into his seat. Across the street he could see Alex's neighbor watching as always. Anthony had stayed up quite late last night talking to him out on that porch swing, and he had a lot of good advice about helping someone get over a loss like that. He'd lived long enough to have to do it many times, and he was more than willing to share that information with Anthony. He was quite fond of him, and the way he treated Alex, he wouldn't want any better for her.

The entire ride over was completely silent, and Anthony knew better than to break it. She was obviously deep in thought, and he could guess the topic. When they got to the church, she jumped out of the truck and ran out into the cherry orchard. He didn't try to stop her. She was running from the pain of it all, trying to escape it. He knew what that was like. After Tristanne had died, he'd spent ever waking moment up on the back of a horse, trying to race away from the pain of the memory. The only way she could ever find out that she couldn't outrun it was by finding out the hard way...by experience.

So, Anthony scooped the baby out of the car and carried her gently into the church so as to not wake her up. A few of the people who didn't know him gave him odd looks, he clearly didn't look like the dad type. He ignored them though, and took a seat in the front to wait for Alex. When finally she came in, he could tell she had been having a hard time. He could see through that mask of hers. He pulled his hand out from under hers and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close so she was up against his body. A cute picture really, if they weren't at a funeral. Anthony with a little baby wrapped in pink in one arm, and a beautiful girl clad in black wrapped in the other. That was how it was supposed to be.

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It was a beautiful summer evening; the sun gave the earth a warm orange glow that reflected off the white cherry blossoms surrounding the church. A gentle breeze caused the tall silvery grass to sway gently, and the sound of a piano and choir hummed softly from within the whitewashed building. It was the perfect summer day, the picture of peace. But for one young man, all the beauty was just there to mock him, to tear him down piece by piece, to remind him of what he had…before it was lost forever. It was the heavens’ way of laughing at him, of saying “I told you so.” He should have known it wouldn’t last. For some people, like Anthony and Alex, I love you lasts forever, and they “live happily ever after;” but it wasn’t so for him. He had finally learned to trust again, he had finally learned to believe, he had finally learned to…love…and now all of it was gone. In a single heart beat, it was all stolen away from him.

Tyler Haze walked slowly up to the church reluctantly; he hadn’t been inside a church since his saintly Christian brother, Jacob, died three years ago. The large doors were opened in a welcoming way, and he could see all the people standing and singing within. He hesitated for a moment then walked up the steps and through the doors. He stopped, and stood in the back of the sanctuary, his cold gray eyes locked on the casket at the front of the building. He knew that within that oak box lay the lifeless body of the woman who had been his reason to change. He knew that never again would he see her smiling face flushed with red. He knew that never again would he feel her soft, warm skin against his. He knew that he would never again hold her close to him and promise that he was going to be there for her. He knew that never again would he find the kind of acceptance that he found in her in anyone else. He knew that she was gone, and he could never have her again.

He kept himself isolated from the rest of the people as best he could. He was not a people person, and most people didn’t like him anyway. Strangely enough, Tyler felt an inconsolable anger towards all the people here. Almost none of them knew her. Sure Alex, Anthony, Sebastian, Chey, and a few others knew her…but all these other people shouldn’t be there with their pretend sorrow, their pretend love and understanding, their pretend caring gestures, and their pretend tears. He really just wanted to shoot some of those people, but he restrained himself, and kept away.

The hymns stopped, and the preacher started talking about God and love and grace and salvation…none of which Tyler was really feeling right now. Jacob had died, and he’d been into all that Christian stuff. Alessandra had now died…he didn’t know how she stood on all that, but it sure didn’t seem like there was much grace or salvation now. She was dead for drying out loud! What kind of loving God would let that happen? Ah poor Tyler, he didn’t understand any of it. He was just so confused about everything. How could he believe in a God of love when so much bad had happened? Let us pray for those who mourn the loss of our beloved Alessandra As the preacher said those words, he looked right at Tyler. But it wasn’t in the way most would expect. Normally one would assume that it would be in a compassionate and caring way, since Tyler was certainly mourning her loss, but it wasn’t. Tyler would later describe the look as “What the hell is he doing here?” That hurt…a lot. That one look bore into him like a knife being stabbed into his chest. Christians were supposed to be accepting, forgiving, kind, loving…all that good stuff. But even among them, Tyler was cast out like a leprous dog. The only acceptance he had found in this world was lying dead in a cedar casket at the front of the church.

A few people stood up and gave their stories about Alessandra, but none of them seemed to do her justice, none of this did. None of them could explain what she had done, how much she had given, what a great gift to the world she was. None of them could describe her love, race, forgiving nature, kindness, not even her beauty. It all seemed dry and without emotion. A few even seemed like they made the whole thing up on the spot. It was painful to watch, painful to hear, and painful to bear. Again he felt like pulling out a gun and shooting someone, but he restrained himself. Alessandra was dead, and he was here to pay her the honor and respect she deserved, and he was certain that she would be the first one to stop him if he pulled out a gun. Then, knowing her, she would probably slap him right across the face and give him a good talking to.

After that, a few ladies stood up and went up on the stage. They started singing some sort of song about life after death, and he couldn’t take it anymore. There was too much emotion running through his head, he couldn’t let anyone see him like this. He stood up and walked out of the sanctuary. He retraced his path down the steps and into the waning sunlight. He walked out a little ways into the cherry trees and stood there in silence. His cold gray eyes had melted to soft and broken. His normally stiff and square posture was softened to that of someone who had finally been beaten by life. His normally emotionless expression had fallen to that of someone battered by a tsunami of pain and sorrow. The tears welled up in his eyes against his will, and a single drop fell from them.

Tyler Haze had finally cracked. He was past the point of no return, he was gone. He wanted so badly for her to come back, and knowing that she never would was killing him. He felt more grief now than he ever had in all of his life combined. His body shook with the effort to contain all the emotion that was trying to force its way out. The only thought that was rushing through his head was that he couldn't do this, not by himself. But he didn't have anyone he could turn to. Yeah sure he'd gotten to know Anthony a little over the past month, and he really was a great guy, Alex was lucky to have him, but their relationship wasn't the kind where Tyler felt he could trust him entirely. Alex was amazing too, I mean really, she took his daughter when he refused to take care of himself. That was self sacrifice right there. Chey, yeah, she was nice enough, but Sebastian hated him, and since Chey and Sebastian were getting married...well, he wasn't coming within ten feet of her if he could help it. He was alone, completely and entirely alone. The weight of the world was crashing down on him, and he was allowing himself to be crushed without a fight. There was no fight left in him.

[Vivian Kings]

Later on Alex would feel bad for blocking everone out but the lose of her best friend was a worse feeling then then guilt. And there was no force in the entire world that could take this feeling away. No amount of alcohol could take it away, no intense drug, no amount of anything could take this pain, this hurt away. She felt so alone in this. Even though she knew Anthony was there for her. It was impossible for anyone to know what she was feeling. Sure Tyler and Sebastian and Chey all had some sort of grief hanging over them but known of them felt what Alex felt. None of them had known her like Alex had. No one knew of Alessandra's past and her mother and everything that had happened to her. No one knew this stuff. Only Alex knew, Only Alex knew Alessandra's full story. She was the only one who really knew Keke. Sure everyone had their own little piece of Alessandra that made them think they knew her but they really didn't. They just lied to themselves.

Anthony stripped his hand from hers and she flet like she was falling. But only for a split second, then he put his arm around her. And she felt safe again. She let out a sigh of relief as she rested her head on his shoulder. Without him she would surely crumble and be washed away without a trace. But he held what remained of her together he was her magnet that pulled all the shattered pieces together. She stared up at the pastor. But she really didn't see him he was just there. She really didn't see any of it her gaze was just set there. No she was too deep in thought to really see what was before her. But she heard every bit. And Finally came out of her trans when the pastor finished. She looked up to see his hardened gaze set to the back.

Shifting her weight slightly Alex turned to see whom it was that the pastor had been looking at. Not that she really needed to see. And just as she suspected, Tyler sat in the back. She gave a worried glance but turned back to the people who were starting to speak. Alex would be the last to say anything. She wasn't exactly looking forward to it. It was probably going to be the hardest thing she would ever do. She sat and prayed that she would be able to hold herself together and not shed a tear. Because once one tear was shed it was all lost. She wouldn't be able to pick herself back up from that. It would all have been pointless. No, crying was not an option. She had to keep it together. "There was no being weak in this family" her father would say to her. And so she sucked it up.

"Miss Chasse would you care to say a few words please." Those words almost flew right over Alex's head. She was so deep in thought it was hard to stay focused on what was going on around her. But the words hit her ears pulling her out of her daze. She nodded her head and gulped down hard. Then rose from her seat and walked onto the stage standing over the casket. She did her best not to look down. If she looked down she would just see that cold pale skinned lifeless body of her best friend. And that was not what she wanted to see right now. That would only make it worse. She grabbed the mic and cleared her throat. She looked to the back of the room and spotted Tyler she looked right into his eyes but couldn't keep it, she let her eyes wonder the room trying to think of what to say trying to find reassurance somewhere. Trying to find the words that were hiding from her. She wanted to say something that would help everyone else in their grief but she couldn't think of anything. Her mind had drawn a blank and she froze up.

Finally just when she thought she was going to run out that door the words came to her. "Alessandra...." Her voice cracked so she cleared it again. But there was still a huge lump that told her if she got to into this speech she would end up crying. She couldn't cry. So she gulped and continued on. "I'm sorry.... Who in this building really knew Alessandra? Did you really know her beliefs, her dreams and desires, her deepest secrets, Did you really know who she was? She was my best friend, we told each other everything i knew everything there was to know. There really isn't words in this world that could describe her. She was pure and simply outstanding. She was 22 years old and about to become a mother and she still stood strong. She was beautiful beyond compare. She wasn't perfect.... no one is. But to so many of us she was our angel. Alessandra you were my guardian angel. I will always love you." She was done she couldn't say anymore. She wanted to call out all those hypocrital people out and tell them to leave. But she couldn't, if she did she knew what Keke would say... She would be disapointed. Alessandra had always been a crowd pleaser. She wouldn't like it if Alex yelled at them all.

Alex took a deep breath and passed the microphone to the pastor without a glance. She stepped down the stairs as the two women stepped up to sing their song. She looked back to see Tyler but only caught his back going out the door. She didn't look to anyone else just stared at the door as it closed. She felt stuck to the ground but really she had only stopped for a split second before running down the aisle and out the back door. Yes she was running in heels... suicide you might say. But she knew that this wasn't easy for Tyler and being judged by all those people in there wasn't what he deserved. She slammed open the door and ran out stopping at the top of the stairs letting her eyes course over the ,dim light, surrounding yard. The sun light the sky up send orange and pink and yellow rays onto the ground. It set the most beautiful scene on the orchard. Alessandra didn't deserve any less.

She spotted Tyler disapearing into the trees and she sort of skipped down the stairs. Not run but not walk either. She walked down the path stracing his steps. She knew there was a time she couldn't be there to help him and that he would just have to do it on his own. But right now he needed to know that Alex wasn't judging him she didn't blame him. He needed to know that Alex was there for him she would always be there for him when he needed that helping hand. She knew she was having a hard time but she pushed her pain away knowing that Tyler needed her help more then she needed it. She knew she would make it out ok... But Tyler, they couldn't lose him to this accident. She wouldn't let him fade away. That little girl back in that sancturary needed him in her life. She needed someone. Sure she would always have Alex and Anthony but they were just auntie and uncle.. not mom or dad. She needed someone to call daddy. To hold her when she wanted him. To do all the things that dads did. And Tyler needed to be that guy.

She walked until she spotted Tyler standing in the middle of the grove. Her black dress swayed in the wind and her hair blew to the side. "Tyler." she said to his back. Then she walked around to face him. she was so petite compared to him so thin and small and he was so buff and tall. It was hard to imagine. Most girls if they knew his past would be terrified, but Alex knew. Alex knew he was just a wounded soldier. She looked up into his grey eyes... they were no longer cold and harsh... they were soft and full of grief. It killed her to see the inmate Tyler Haze broken down so much. She looked up at him with concerned heart felt blue eyes. And with out a word she reached up and placed her arms around his neck and pulling him into a hug. She held onto him tight. She didn't care if he wanted nothing to do with her or didn't even want her around. He needed this.... and so did she. They had to help one another through this.

[Tyler Haze]

Anthony watched Alex carefully as she took her spot up on the stage and started to talk. He knew she wouldn't be able to get much out. What she said though, didn't surprise him in the least. She had always been one to speak her mind, and since she was so passionate about this...he knew that she meant every word. When she came down off the stage, leaving almost everyone totally shocked, Anthony glanced back to see Tyler exiting the building. Alex followed after him, running out the doors. He wouldn't stop her. They were both the worst off after this, and they needed to be alone together. He loved Alex more than anything, but he knew when to stay away and let her have her space. The last thing he wanted to do was smother her in her time of grief and cause her to run away from him.

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Tyler's whole body was aching for unknown reasons. It was probably because he had been so tense for the past few days that every muscle in his body was completely exhausted to the point that it hurt just to keep him upright. He really just needed to go lie down somewhere and fall asleep for a long time. He hadn't gotten a millisecond of sleep since Alessandra died. His mind was ten million places at once, and refused to let him rest. It also kept him moving almost constantly. He struggled to sit in one place for more than five minutes at a time, and even just listening to one person's voice for more than ten minutes drove him crazy.

He walked in silence through the trees laced with white and pink blossoms, their petals falling loose in the wind and drifting through the air around him gently. They were so fleeting...there one minute gone the next, not so unlike Alessandra. But they, unlike her, would return again next year. Alessandra was gone, and she wouldn't ever come back, not tomorrow, not the next day, not next month, not next year...never. She was gone, and at the peak of her life. Tyler needed her so badly, he wasn't sure how to keep moving on. He wasn't sure if he could make it through this grief, he wasn't sure he could ever get over losing her.

It seemed like only yesterday that she was here...and he had thought he would spend forever with her at his side. Her gentle hands carefully pierced his skin with a needle closing up the wound on his abdomen, then moved to his hand. Sure she was only putting a wrap on his hand, but every time her skin brushed against his, a slight tremor ran up through his body. Then he reached forwards and brushed the tears from her face as she explained what he had done to her that he didn't remember. He told her he wasn't going anywhere. Then those same gentle hands that had previously graced his skin, slashed across his face, and she stood up quickly to walk away. When she turned back to tell him her name, the anger on her face shot through him like a bullet. His life really was screwed up. How could he have let it get this bad?

His body slammed against the wall as the policemen snapped handcuffs onto him, then jerked him around to face the form of Alessandra lying on the ground and slowly starting to stir. What did you do to her?[/s] the policeman growled. Tyler didn't answer, but the thought that entered his head was that he had trusted her. Next thing he knew her lips were pressed against his, and he was melting into her and returning the passion like he never had before. He had kissed plenty of girls, but this was the first time there was any feeling behind it, and it was definitely good.

A sharp pain ripped through his shoulder as his insane horse leapt out of the stall and nearly jerked his arm out of joint. Amidst the cursing in his mind, he heard a light and airy giggle, and turned quickly to see Alessandra standing and watching him. hey[/s] She said, as a smile found its way to his lips. He stepped up to her and ever so softly put his hand on her cheek, leaning in to kiss her gently. It was so wrong...but it made it all right. His lips slowly left hers, but the thrill still rushed through him, giving him a high that he had never been able to find through everything that he had been involved in the past few years.

Her smiling face met his sight. Her melodic laugh caused a flutter in his chest. Her angelic voice stirred in his head. Her gentle touch lingered on his skin. Her sweet perfume filled the air around him. Her hair brushed across his face. Her body pressed up against his. Her hands grasped his. Her arms wrapped around him in a loving embrace. Her eyes sparkled with life and joy. Her lips met with his. Her life turned his upside down and knocked him off his feet, then offered him a helping hand in getting up. She was everything that he needed and more. She was perfection, finally achieved.

Alessandra pleaded with him to take care of their little girl, she begged him to tell her about her mother. She whispered I love you...and was gone.[/i] Tyler went back in his head to that moment, and his heart broke all over again. He could still hear her calling out his name in a way that said she needed him. Over and over again it played through his mind. Tearing a little piece of him away with every repetition. If this kept up there wouldn't be anything left of him before long. Tyler.[/s] Alessandra's voice was promptly silenced, and replaced with Alex's. He didn't turn towards her, but let her move around to where she was in front of him.

He looked down at the ground, feeling extreme shame under her gaze. He wasn't sure why, he just did. But a moment later, he lifted his gaze up to meet her eyes...soft and blue, full of care and compassion. Her hands suddenly rose up to him, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug. At first he resisted. Every muscle in his powerful body grew stiff and rigid, not wanting to give into the emotion that tugged at his heart. He didn't really know how to give in to it. Alessandra was really the only person who he had ever given in to, and it was hard to do the same for someone else at this point.

After hardly a moment though, he realized how selfish it was to resist her. He had heard what Alex had said in there...and he knew it was true. He had loved Alessandra, but Alex...she had loved Alessandra in an entirely different way. She knew everything about her. She had to be just as grieved about this as he was. He crumbled away, and put his arms around her tiny waist hesitantly. He crashed into the ocean, leaving no remnants of himself behind, and let it rain. He let the grief take him wholly, and let her do with him as she willed. She probably could have lead him to the edge and pushed him over without even so much as a hint of resistance from him.

The last of his strength vanished and he suddenly felt incredibly exhausted, like he could sleep for the rest of his life and still not feel rejuvenated. What he didn't realize though, was that the exhaustion wasn't from lack of sleep, but because he had lost the one who had been giving him strength, he had lost the will to go on. He didn't have a reason for getting up in the morning, he didn't have a reason to get his life right. He didn't have a reason to stop drinking. He didn't have a reason to turn from his destructive life style. He didn't have a reason to live. He didn't have a reason for anything. She had been his reason, and she was gone.

[Sebastian Kings]

Sebastian

I left out in a cloud of taillights and dust
Swore I wasn't coming back, said I'd had enough
Saw you in the rear view standing, fading from my life
But I wasn't turnin' 'round 
No not this time

A shaking Sebastian walked slowly, hesitently towards the large, intimidating church doors. His fingers were tightly bound with Chey's, holding on for dear life. Oh how he wished he hadn't had to come today. Of course he had to come, Alessandra was very close to him, but he hated funerals. His heart pounded so loud he was sure anyone in a hundred mile radius could hear it clear as a bell. The couple walked mournfully towards the church. There were others around them, he recognized Anthony with Alex closer to the church. The cemetary was dotted with clusters of pink cherry blossom trees's much too beautiful to be in a place of death and mourning. Sebastian's jaw clenched and unclenched repeatedly. No one deserved this, especially not Alessandra. She was only trying to give her children teh best life possible. She didn't even get to see them, to watch them take their first breaths, to hold them the first time, to hold them at all... Sebastian shuddered. Looking back at Chey, she'd only known Alessandra for a short time. Sebastian guessed she was here for him.

But don't think I don't think about it
Don't think I don't have regrets
Don't think it don't get to me
Between the work and the hurt and the whiskey

He knew it wasn't easy for her to know there had been someone else, but she knew that she was the only one he loved. Truely loved. Sebastian's love for Alessandra was as a friend, or even a sister. But now that she'd given him one of the most special gifts in his life, his son Caiden, the connection he felt for her was different, stronger, harder to let go. Before he knew it, their slow, deliberant pace had carried them to the doors of the church. He looked back at Chey for one more dose of reassurance and carried on into the building. There were alot of people here, most probably barely knew her, most probably hated him for leaving her, especially with child. Of course he didn't know that at the time. He gulped knowing that if he'd found out Alessandra was pregnant before he left, he'd never had found Chey. The thought terrified him. He found them some seats in the midst of the pews, he couldn't bare to be in the front, but being in the back might give his emotions enough room to flood through.

Don't think I don't wonder 'bout 
Could've been, should've been all worked out
I know what I felt, and I know what I said 
But don't think I don't think about it

Sebastian saw Alex rise, and step up to the podium, Sebastian squeezed Chey's hand and looked on. Alex started; Alessandra

[/s] her voiced cracked at the mention of her best friends name. I'm sorry.... Who in this building really knew Alessandra? Did you really know her beliefs, her dreams and desires, her deepest secrets, Did you really know who she was? She was my best friend, we told each other everything i knew everything there was to know. There really isn't words in this world that could describe her. She was pure and simply outstanding. She was 22 years old and about to become a mother and she still stood strong. She was beautiful beyond compare. She wasn't perfect.... no one is. But to so many of us she was our angel. Alessandra you were my guardian angel. I will always love you[/s] Sebastian winced as she took off down the aisle at a sprint. She rubbed his forehand with his work-worn hand. This was going just great...[/size][/blockquote]

When we make choices, we gotta live with them
Heard you found a real good man, wanna marry him
I wonder if sometimes I cross your mind
Where would we be today 
If I never drove that car away?